The Art of Deception
by DC41781
Summary: Spencer makes a discovery that upends everything the Liars have built with each other and those around them. AU. Very McHastings.
1. Chapter 1

She couldn't stop her hands from trembling. They shook and shook and she clenched them into fists, banging them against her thighs and holding them there. She shuffled from foot to foot, waiting, desperate, half-delirious from lack of sleep. The door opened and immediately, Spencer regretted her decision to show up on Emily's doorstep.

Because, _fuck,_ Paige was standing there, concern drawing deep lines in her face. She wore only a baggy t-shirt and basketball shorts and there was a noticeable sheen of sweat still clinging to her skin. Spencer felt her insides twist. "Hey." Her voice was even more unsteady than her hands.

"Is everything okay?" Damn Paige McCullers. Always so fucking considerate.

Spencer's instinct was to shut her best friend's girlfriend out. She was used to being tight in her circle with Em and Hanna and Aria. Still, there probably wasn't much Emily hadn't let Paige in on at this point. "No. Is Emily here?"

"Yeah. She's upstairs. Come in."

"I'm…I'm sorry if I'm…interrupting something." Spencer said as she practically fell onto the couch, her eyes flitting toward the stairs, willing Emily to appear so she could get this over with.

"It's okay." Paige offered with that awful sincerity in her voice once again. "Em got your S.O.S a little while ago. Are Hanna and Aria on their way?"

"No." A tightness squeezed Spencer's chest. The reason she was here fluttered through her brain and her lungs seized. "I can't…I can't tell Aria yet. Not until I'm sure."

Paige settled into the spot beside her; it was a little too close for Spencer's liking, but it was just who Paige was. Determined to comfort and protect the people around her. "Spence." Spencer shut her eyes at the sound of the nickname, that awful tightness only worsening the longer Emily took to show up. "What's going on?"

They locked eyes and if Spencer didn't know any better, she'd say that something passed between them. Comradery, maybe. Or understanding. Whatever it was, it lifted a weight from Spencer, even if it was only for a second or two.

"Spencer." Emily's voice broke them apart and suddenly, her best friend was in front of her, making everything come flooding back. The crush of responsibility nearly broke Spencer in half.

"Em, something awful has happened and I…"

Emily kneeled in front of her, a gentle hand coming to rest over one of Spencer's. "What is it? What happened?"

Spencer swallowed hard. Her gaze shifted from Emily to Paige and back again before she finally found her courage. "Ezra is A."


	2. Chapter 2

_"_ _I only write true stories." She whispered conspiratorially, sliding the diary across the table toward him. "Of course, the names have been slightly altered. For privacy reasons."_

 _Somehow, Ezra didn't believe that it was about privacy. He thumbed through the pages. She used black ink and wrote in that girly, bubbly way that teenagers did. Some of the words, though, were downright sinister. "Enemies?"_

 _"_ _Not all of them." A smirk tilted her lips; sinister was the only thing he could think of to describe that, too. "Some of them are friends. Good friends. Loyal friends."_

 _He ran his index finger along the book's spine. Something cold settled in his chest. "So, you what? Collect dirt on people?"_

 _Ali kept on smiling. "I collect secrets. And I write them down. Sometimes I use them. Sometimes I don't." She snatched it from his hands and flipped to a blank page. "You're getting a story, too."_

 _He decided to take that as a compliment. "Am I?"_

 _"_ _Absolutely."_

* * *

"He's Board Shorts." It trembled out of her and she clenched her hands a little tighter, causing the blood to drain from her knuckles. Her eyes were hard to keep open. She couldn't remember the last time she'd actually slept. "I saw him. At the Hart and the Huntsman."

Emily furrowed her brow. "Okay. That doesn't mean he's A."

"He has Ali's diary. He knows…everything. About her. About us. About Mona. He's probably known all along." The thought chilled her to the bone.

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe he recruited Mona. Used her to get to us. Like a social experiment."

Paige reached out and put a hand on her knee. Spencer ignored the way Paige's warmth made her brain a little fuzzier. She couldn't afford to think about it right now. "Spencer." Her tone was even warmer than her palm. "You're not making a lot of sense here."

"Maybe he wanted to know more about Ali."

"So, why didn't he just come to us?" Emily threw in.

It was logical, of course. It wasn't like adults never wanted to know more about Ali's death. And her life. "I don't know, Em. Just trust me on this. He's after us. For something. I don't know what exactly, but something, okay?"

"Spence, we believe you. I just…I don't want you to jump conclusions and…"

"Emily! Trust me. Please, trust me. I know I've been wrong in the past…" She glanced over at Paige as she said it and Paige dipped her head just slightly, clearly embarrassed and maybe overwhelmed at the idea that Spencer no longer viewed her as a threat. "But, this is real. I swear it is."

"Okay, Spencer. Okay."

* * *

She couldn't do anything else tonight, even if Hanna needed to know, too. She just stayed on Emily's couch, her knees tight to her chest, her head on her folded arms. The last few days had finally caught up to her, but there was a buzzing in her brain that refused to quiet. White noise that made her thoughts blur together. Emily had gone to bed a couple hours ago and Paige had followed her, but now there were footsteps on the stairs and Spencer looked up, forcing herself to ignore a sudden bout of dizziness as she came face to face with Paige again.

"Couldn't sleep either, huh?" She asked in what she hoped was a playful manner.

Paige shook her head. "I couldn't stop thinking about you down here alone. It's pretty obvious you haven't slowed down in a while."

"I'm a Hastings, remember?"

"Well, just because you can handle things on your own doesn't mean you should."

Spencer actually smiled. "When did you become such a pillar of wisdom?"

"I honestly couldn't tell you."

It felt nice to joke with someone again. In the chaos that was their lives, the moments were few and far between. "My hero and my sage. You are quite the savant."

"Not quite at Hastings level, though, am I?"

Spencer let out the tiniest breath of a laugh. "Not quite."

There was a long beat of silence. "I don't think I ever really apologized to you, Spencer."

"For what?"

"For how I treated you and Ali freshman year."

It was her turn to put a comforting hand on Paige. She wasn't quite expecting Paige to wrap her own hand around it. It caused an involuntary shiver to course up her body.

"I know I'm supposed to be – and was – Ali's friend. And I know it's wrong to speak ill of the dead, but Ali had it coming. And it took a lot of courage to stand up to her the way you did. Not many people did that. I think Ali was a little afraid of you because of it."

Paige ducked her head. "I'm not proud of who I was back then."

"I don't think any of us are. We let Ali do a lot of terrible things." The truth made her feel bolder, a little less out of control, and just a tad less guilty. "She made us all into people we didn't want to be, Paige."

Paige's expression softened into something Spencer couldn't put a name to. "I don't know how you survived with Ali for as long as you did. Any of you."

Their fingers interlocked and Spencer found herself leaning in closer, wanting more of the warmth that Paige radiated. "We thought she loved us. That she wanted us. None of us realized how we were being treated. And if we did, we never talked about it. It's different now. We talk about everything. Ali used to say that secrets kept us close. She was wrong. Secrets kept us apart from each other and close to her."

There was a short nod of understanding before Paige drew ever nearer, using her hold on Spencer's hand to pull her in. Spencer's breath caught in her throat. This was a dream. Any second now she'd jolt awake and smell her own sweat on the air. "Paige."

"What?"

"I'm sorry, too."

"I know you are."

She collapsed forward into Paige's embrace, not surprised to find that she was strong and sure. The sobs came before Spencer could think to stop them. s soft words of comfort echoed in her ears well into the next morning.

* * *

"Are you out of your mind?!"

"Hanna…"

"Honestly, are you on those pills again?"

"Hanna."

"Well? Are you?"

Spencer steeled herself against the onslaught. She suddenly wished Paige was here to defend her. Whoa. Where did that come from? "No, Hanna, I'm not. And I know how crazy this sounds, but you have to believe me."

"Spencer, I love you, okay? You're my best friend, but this…do you understand how huge this is? What it will do to Aria? Especially if you're right?"

"I know, Hanna. I know. I haven't eaten. I haven't slept. This has been driving me crazy. And you know I can't leave it alone." She gave her friend a small sad smile and felt only relief when Hanna returned it.

"Of course you can't. I don't expect you to. But, Spencer, can we least be sure before we spring any of this on Aria? You remember what happened with Emily during the 'Paige is A' thing."

God, why did she have to bring that up? "No one regrets that more than me, Han. You know that. But yes, we'll prove it before we tell Aria. I promise."

"Good."

* * *

The plan was brilliant. But, that of course was a given considering that it was her plan. She knotted her fingers together and dropped them on the tabletop, her foot tapping out a delicate rhythm on the floorboard. The Brew was relatively empty. It was a crisp October night and Mona could smell the Pumpkin on the air. Pumpkin baked goods were a Brew specialty.

The door opened with a familiar chime of a bell and her guest walked in, hands shoved in her pockets and scowl on her face. She spotted Mona immediately, begrudgingly sliding into the seat across from her. "What do you want from me?"

"No need to be testy." Mona chided, clicking her tongue. "I have some news for you."

"What kind of news?"

"Actually, it's more of a secret."

"Mona." Her voice rumbled around the name.

Clasping her hands a little tighter, she pressed forward into the space between them, knowing she was getting under her guest's skin. "Alison DiLaurentis is alive."

"You're full of shit."

"I wish I were, believe me. But, no, it is true. That's not even the worst part." There was a whimsical nature to her tone. It raised slightly at the end of every word. "She's coming back."

Her guest went rigid in their seat. Mona smiled sympathetically. "And we both know what will happen next. Poor little Emily with her stupid little girl crush."

Paige closed her eyes, as if that alone could protect her from what Mona was suggesting. "I don't believe you, Mona. I know what you're trying to do."

"I'm trying to warn you. You know how Emily feels about that bitch."

"I'm not gonna sit here and listen to this." She made no effort to leave.

The plan was working. But, of course it was. "I just wanted you to know. I'm trying to be a friend here."

"Screw off, Mona."

Mona laughed. "Not a chance."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: This is a small update, but I'm posting it because I won't be able to update again till Monday. Thank you to those who have expressed interest in this story. It's just getting started.**

* * *

 _The first time she kissed me, she tasted of peaches and smelled sharp and sweet, like cinnamon. Under my hands, she was pliant. Both soft and not soft enough. I wasn't surprised to find that there was a roughness in how her hands pulled on me, forcing me close, dropping me carelessly into the oblivion that was Alison DiLaurentis._

It was tiny paragraph at the very bottom of one of Ali's Board Shorts entries. Signed with the initials E.F. Nausea clawed up the back of Spencer's throat. Picturing Ezra and Ali together was…there wasn't even a word for it. At least, not one she could actually allow herself to think. She kept pouring over the diary anyway, hoping to find some clue as to what Ezra knew and what he didn't. Something Ali told him, something he told her. Anything to make this easier to prove. But, Ezra hadn't even been a teacher yet when Ali knew him and their secret meetings were apparently few and far between. Even worse, there was no mention of the relationship falling out.

"Damn it." The diary hit her bedroom wall with a hard thud and Spencer let out a breath, her heart racing, her eyes unbelievably heavy. There was a knock on her front door. She put the butt of her hand to her forehead, hissing through her teeth at the throbbing behind her eyes. Another knock came before she'd even made it halfway down the stairs. "All right. All right. Hold on."

Paige stood on the other side, her face streaked with drying tears. Spencer's heart tightened in her chest. "Paige, what's wrong? What happened? Is Emily…"

She pushed past Spencer into the house. "This isn't about her. It's about Ali."

"Okay."

"Is she alive?"

"What?"

Paige stared her down from the other side of the room, clearly playing no games, clearly broken in half by this idea. "You heard me, Spence."

"We don't know. She could be."

"Spencer, please tell me the truth. Please."

"I am. We don't know. We've been seeing her in different places. At least, we think we have. It's all so weird, Paige."

"Mona seems to think she is."

"You spoke to Mona? What else did she say?"

She began to relax, her brow straightening, her arms unfolding and falling haphazardly to her sides. "Just the stuff about Ali. I think she was trying to get under my skin."

"Of course she was. That's what Mona does."

Paige sighed and crossed the room so they were barely a foot apart. "I know. I know. I'm probably overreacting. It's just…Ali made my life hell and if she were still alive…if she managed to win Emily back…" It trailed off into terrible silence.

"Paige, Ali never loved Emily the way you do. You have to know that."

"That doesn't mean Emily doesn't still feel that way."

"Maybe she does, but why does that have to change the way she feels about you? She loves you. I've known Emily a long time and I've never seen her look at anyone the way she looks at you. Not even Ali." Defeat slackened her posture and Spencer put a hand on her shoulder. "If Ali's still alive, we'll deal with it, okay? All of us. Together. We won't let her get between us."

Paige nodded. "Thank you, Spencer."

"Don't worry about it. Besides, we have bigger fish to fry than Ali's ghost."

"Spence, can I be honest? I know you're trying to figure this out and all, but I think you need a break. You look terrible."

A chuckle bubbled out of her chest. "Well, thank you for your honesty, I guess."

"Do you wanna order a pizza or something?"

"Only if we get the toppings I want." Paige actually smirked at that, causing Spencer's heart to do an embarrassing little jig. She clenched her fists against the feeling, ashamed of herself for letting Paige's charm affect her.

"I wouldn't dream of arguing with a Hastings." There was no mocking in Paige's tone; just a playfulness that sprouted butterflies in Spencer's stomach.

The smile that split her lips came of its own accord.

* * *

Emily had always been the weakest link, especially when Ali was in the mix. She wore her heart on her sleeve 24/7. That was why going after her was so easy, if not all that satisfying. There was no fun in breaking the breakable one. It was predictable. So, Mona set her sights a little higher this go around. Spencer. The de facto ruler. The protector.

Ezra moved to stand behind her, his eyes on the screen that was showing the footage from Spencer's living room. It was quite the sight to behold. Spencer sat a little too close to Paige for mere friendliness and her fingers brushed the other girl's knee every few minutes. Subtle. Mona spun in her chair to face Ezra as he slid both hands into his pockets, his pose relaxed, his breathing eerily even in spite of the fact that he was on the verge of being caught. "She's vulnerable." He emphasized the word, drawing it out slowly, as if Mona were a child and not a criminal orchestrator. "We have to keep hitting her where it hurts. Let the rest of them grow to doubt her on their own."

"I agree." Mona replied evenly, dangling her cell phone from two fingers. "Do you want to do the honors?"

He snatched it from her. "Grow up, Mona. This isn't a game. This is life. Her life. My life. Your life. Alison's life. You get that, don't you?"

Sometimes, she really missed being her own boss. "Of course I do."

"Then start taking this seriously because play time is over."

She watched his fingers slide over the phone's screen, poised, calculated. Admiration swelled in her. Who knew Mr. Fitz the hopeless romantic had this kind of _evil_ in him?

His eyes were twinkling when he tapped send.

* * *

When was the last time she'd felt this secure? She couldn't remember. Not since Toby, that was for sure. For the hour and a half she had spent with Paige, she hadn't been able to wipe the grin off her face. How had she ever thought this sweet, simple girl was a murderer? Paige swallowed a bite of pizza and bumped her shoulder into Spencer's. "This isn't so bad, right?"

"No." Her grin grew a little wider. "Hey, do you remember how I used to kick your ass at field hockey practice?" There was time when they'd been almost friends, before Ali had set her sights on either of them.

"I don't recall those ass kickings. I seem to remember you eating my dust. More than once."

She scoffed. "You wish, McCullers."

"Don't be a sore loser, Hastings."

"I can't be a sore loser if I haven't lost."

Paige gave an eye roll. "You're insufferable, you know that?"

"I will have you know that I am a riot."

"To yourself, maybe."

"Shut up." She was laughing as she said it. God, this was fun, despite how her brain was begging her to focus on more important things. Guilt swirled in her guts. This was selfish, wasn't it? Her phone buzzed from its place on the coffee table just as that thought crossed her mind. "God, no." She breathed. And, there it was. The other shoe dropping. Her moment of peace shattered like a piece of glass. It fell in shards around her feet while the tears gathering in her eyes blurred the edges of the text. Paige leaned close, an audible gasp leaving her at the implications.

 _What's a leader without her followers? You'll find out soon enough. – A_


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I didn't set out for this to be a McHastings story, but here we are. Don't worry. There will be a good amount of Paily before the bombs drop in later chapters.**

* * *

She jolted awake well into the early hours of the morning, her brain still echoing with the remnants of the nightmare that roused her. The living room was dimly lit by the static on the TV; as her eyes readjusted, she found that Paige was here, folded into an awkward, uncomfortable position on the other side of the couch, seemingly fast asleep. "Paige." She whispered. Her voice trembled. Another piece of residue from the dream. "Paige." Now, she reached across the distance and shook the other girl's shoulder, desperation rising by the second. "Paige, please."

A low groan broke the pregnant silence and slowly, Paige's eyes opened to focus on her. "Hey." The TV illuminated the fear in Spencer's eyes. "It's okay, Spence." She was hesitant to comfort Spencer, considering how new this all still was. They'd been sworn enemies for so long. Her fingers brushed Spencer's forearm lightly. "I'm here."

Spencer sniffed and rubbed helplessly at her eyes, trying to hide the weakness. She dropped into Paige's embrace. Warmth flooded her body, making her dizzy. An involuntary sigh passed her lips. This wasn't okay. "Paige?"

"What is it?"

"Emily…" _Emily will hate me. Forever._ Paige's heartbeat jumped under her palm.

"Spencer." It was a warning.

"Ever since the Halloween train – when you saved my life – I haven't been able to stop thinking about how unfair I was to you. How I let my paranoia get the best of me. Now all I can think about is how much I don't deserve your kindness. You should hate me."

"I don't hate you, Spencer. You were never the one I hated."

"That doesn't change anything."

Even in the semi-darkness, the sudden hardness of Paige's features was clear. "Of course it does."

They locked gazes. Spencer needed to look away before she tumbled off the cliff, but it was too late. She was falling without a parachute. "I'm not who you think I am. I'm not good. I hurt everyone I care about."

"Stop. You're one of the best people I know. You'd do anything for your friends. You dedicate every second to keeping them safe. You are not bad."

She shook her head, disbelieving. "How could I have been so wrong about you?"

"I was wrong about myself for a long time." A sad smile creased Paige's lips. "You can't hurt anyone more than you can hurt yourself. Trust me, Spencer. I know. All these things you're thinking about yourself right now? I've been there. It used to be all I could think about. Until Emily. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Something cold spread through her chest. _Emily._ Was this Paige's way of trying to cool whatever it was happening between them? Spencer leaned back in an effort to create distance. Did she seem desperate, hanging on Paige's every word this way? God, it had to look pathetic. "She's the best thing that's ever happened to any of us. She has a way of bringing out the best in people and sometimes, overlooking the bad." _And I have to stop doing this to her._

Paige gave a short gesture of affirmation. "She doesn't know how to hate."

"No. That's why she was Ali's favorite."

Paige stiffened in her seat. Suddenly, this was the last place she wanted to be. It took Spencer a second to realize her mistake. "Paige, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"It's fine."

The silence that followed was horribly awkward, forcing Spencer to wrack her brain for a way to bring the ease back. She couldn't risk this burgeoning friendship or whatever the hell it was. "I need to go to school early. I want to search Fitz' classroom. You're not gonna make me go alone, are you?"

"Never."

* * *

The sun was just beginning to peak over the horizon when Emily stepped out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel, drips of water falling from the ends of her hair and sliding along her skin. The light slanting through the bedroom window touched her softly. Her phone dinged an alert for a text message. It was from Paige.

 _Morning. :)_

A smile came to her lips. _Hey. How was ur night?_

 _Lonely without you._

 _Awww. Are we on for tonight?_

 _Idk yet. I'll let you know._

Emily sighed and tossed the phone back on the bed, all the energy suddenly draining out of her. Dropping her towel, she turned toward her closet, sifting through her clothes to find an outfit for school. Her mind wandered back to how Paige was distancing herself and made a promise to ask her about it later. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't hear her bedroom door open.

"Em."

The voice sent a shiver down her spine. It couldn't be. The swiftness with which she poked her head around the closet door almost gave her whiplash. "Alison?"

* * *

The first bell wouldn't ring for another two and a half hours. They snuck along the empty hall, walking close enough for their knuckles to brush. Anxiousness fluttered around in Spencer's brain, but there was excitement right beside it. She hadn't felt like this since she and Toby had staked out in that hotel room. Glancing to her left, she found that Paige was calm and collected, completely focused on the task at hand. That calm called to mind the night they spent on the Halloween train.

Paige stopped in front of Ezra's classroom door. There was sunlight poking past the windows. Spencer leaned down toward the knob and slipped a bobby pin into the lock. Paige stood beside her, her eyebrows hitting her hairline. This was the second time in the last 3 or 4 minutes she'd seen Spencer do this; the shock had yet to wear off. "Is there anything a Hastings can't do?"

"Don't ask questions you already know the answer to." Spencer teased as the door clicked open.

"Where the hell did you learn to do that?"

"Internet." Spencer replied, giving Paige a devious little smirk that put a terrible twinkle in her eye.

"You're amazing." It slipped out of her mouth before she could even think to stop it. The mistake was worth it, though, because Spencer's only response was an adorable blush. Paige realized that she would give anything to make that keep happening. _You're going to ruin me, aren't you?_

When she shook the thought away, she found that Spencer was kneeling down, now using the bobby pin to unlock the very bottom drawer on Fitz' desk. Nothing was more endearing than Spencer's utter fearlessness and it was funny considering that Paige was one to constantly berate Emily for reckless behavior. Emily had this stubbornness that made her refuse to back down, but with Spencer, it was far beyond that. It was protectiveness and devotion and a natural sense of leadership. Spencer was like a General going into battle. Paige knew that this girl would sacrifice herself before she'd let anyone else get hurt.

"Paige." Spencer's voice broke her out of her adoration. "Look at this." She stood to her full height and dropped a stack of papers on the desktop, her pointer finger pressed to the top of the first page. The heading read 'Chapter One.'

Paige moved to stand behind her, her hands settling on Spencer's hips. "What is it?"

Spencer thumbed through the pages. There were 35 in total. "It's the first chapter of a book. About Alison's murder."

"Fitz is writing it?"

"Seems that way." Spencer turned in Paige's embrace, allowing herself another second to fully comprehend that they were in fact in an embrace. Paige's arms were wound around her waist and her body was sinfully close.

"Spence, what does this mean?"

She knew Paige wasn't just talking about what they'd found. Her hands slid up to lock around Paige's neck and they drifted closer almost subconsciously. "I don't know." They were a mere breath apart.

"Spencer…"

"What?" Their lips touched softly at first then a little bit harder until Paige was groping at the back of her legs and lifting her onto Fitz' desk. Spencer let out a little gasp of surprise at the show of strength and kept going, using her grip on Paige's neck to pull her even closer.

Paige pulled back from her mouth, still only an inch or so away. "Open your legs."

Spencer obliged and greedily used the new position to wrap her legs around Paige's waist, crossing her feet at the ankles to keep her there. The next kiss was slower, but no less passionate. It was only when Paige's tongue swiped across her bottom lip that she finally came back to her senses. She startled and yanked herself away, breathing heavily. "No. No. I can't. We can't."

Paige's fingertips stroked at her hipbones. "I know. I know. I'm sorry."

She needed to create distance between them, that much was obvious. Her body stayed glued to the spot, though. Paige didn't move either. This was bad. Really, really bad. "I don't…I don't know what came over me." It wasn't even a halfway decent excuse. Thankfully, Paige didn't hold it against her.

"It's okay."

"You have Em and I…I have Toby."

"Yeah."

There was a magnetism between her and Paige that she'd only ever felt with Toby. If she were being honest, she'd admit that she'd felt it with Paige once before, back when they played field hockey. She'd chalked it up to competitiveness and one-upmanship then. Now she knew it'd been something else entirely. "I love him." It was true; at least, it'd been true once.

"And I love Em. You have no idea how much."

"So, we have to stop."

"Yes." She severed their contact reluctantly. Spencer felt unbearably cold as she hopped down from the desk. It was in total disarray from their activity. Papers were strewn everywhere and Fitz' nameplate had tumbled to the floor, staring up at them in all its bronzed glory. Spencer gathered up the book pages with unsteady hands. Her mouth still tingled from Paige's kiss. "Should we take these with us?"

"Absolutely."

* * *

Ali circled her like a predator, eyes shining in that way they always did. "I've missed you." She said with a smirk.

"Are you really here?"

"Of course I am."

"How?"

She shrugged. "The whole being dead thing just didn't stick."

"What are you talking about?" For some reason, she felt horribly exposed standing here with Ali, though they'd been in various stages of undress with each other before.

Ali leaned closer conspiratorially and Emily grew a little warmer everywhere Ali's body almost touched her. "I have a secret, but you have to promise not to tell. Do you promise?"

"I promise."

* * *

She skipped Fitz' class in the morning and snuck into the library to read over the pages she'd stashed in her bag. It wasn't surprising to find that he gushed about Alison on nearly every page. From her beauty to her intelligence to her maturity to her knack for utter manipulation. Spencer felt herself grow nauseous with every word. Inevitably, her thoughts drifted toward Paige and that moment they'd shared in that empty classroom. Butterflies fluttered in her belly. She wanted to kiss Paige again and often. The guilt came next and Spencer had no choice but to shove it down. She wouldn't act on her… _feelings…_ again.

The text came a little later in the afternoon, when she was on her way to the courtyard for lunch.

 _If you talk about what you found to anyone, I send this to the others. Choose wisely, Spence. – A_

She opened the attachment with a shaky touch, already knowing what she'd see. Sure enough, it was a video of her and Paige going at it in that room, their eyes lidded and the husk of their voices echoing in the quiet. The idea of choosing between keeping Aria safe and keeping Emily's heart in one piece made her sick to her stomach. She refused to lose either of them to Ezra's sick game. She needed to think of something and she needed to think of it fast.


	5. Chapter 5

It occurred to her much too late that she should've talked to Paige first. Hanna's Mercedes was already pulling into the abandoned lot. The look of confusion could be made out from here, where Spencer stood beneath a barren tree. They were well into the throes of winter. The cold bit at her from every direction, causing her to pull her jacket a little tighter and rub her numbing hands together. Hanna emerged from the car with her arms crossed over her chest. Every breath she took could be seen on the frigid air.

"There better be a damn good reason why you called me all the way out here."

Spencer blew out a breath of warning through gritted teeth. "Keep your voice down."

"Who the hell's gonna hear me? We're out on the edge of the freaking world."

She reached out and pulled at one of Hanna's hands, dragging her toward where Spencer's car was parked on the opposite end of the lot. "I have something to show you…and something to tell you."

"Okay. Where are Em and Aria?"

"I can't tell them. Not yet."

"Come on, Spencer. Don't start this crap again."

"Han, you have to trust me." She loved Hanna with a force and a determination that sometimes made her dizzy. She'd die for this girl in a heartbeat. Kill for her even faster. Em and Aria made her feel the same way. Yet, somehow, it wasn't as empowering as she would've thought. She felt responsible for them because their happiness was hers and so was their heartache. Sometimes she felt as if she couldn't exist in a world where they weren't her friends. That was weakness. They were her weakness.

"Ugh. Fine." Hanna agreed in a huff as Spencer lifted a manila folder from the passenger seat of her car.

"Look at this. Look at this and try to tell me that Ezra is exactly who he says he is."

Hanna scanned the words and Spencer caught the exact moment where everything sunk in. It was almost liberating. "Where did you get this?"

"From his desk at school."

"And he just…let you have it?"

"Not exactly. That's what I have to tell you. Paige and I…" Hanna met her uncertain gaze, her grip tight on the folder, her pupils wide with her new discovery. Spencer forced herself to swallow her own pride. It was the bitterest of pills. "Paige and I kissed."

"What?!"

"Don't look at me like that. It wasn't exactly planned. It just…happened." She gestured wildly with her hands, as if she could pluck an explanation that made sense right out of the air. She wasn't expecting Hanna to understand or even like her afterward, but that didn't lessen the blow. "I had a moment of weakness and she was there and I…God, Hanna, you don't know how awful I feel about it."

"Okay, wait. What does you kissing Emily's girlfriend have to do with Ezra being A?"

Oh, boy. Today would be the day Hanna decided to ask all the questions and drag out the answers. "We might have kissed in his classroom. When we found the pages. He might've gotten it on tape."

"And he's holding it over your head? That's why we can't go to Em or Aria?"

Spencer nodded solemnly, suddenly no better than a dog with its tail between its legs. Never in her life had she'd ever been this ashamed of herself.

"Spence. Was it a one-time thing?"

She knew she had to tell the truth. It was all she had left. "I don't know. I don't want it to be."

"Spencer."

"I know, Han. I know. I'm a terrible person. Emily's gonna hate me. She'll never trust me again. I'm just trying to tell you how I feel."

She wasn't expecting Hanna to pull her close, but that's what happened. She melted into her friend's arms, grateful she was trying this hard to understand Spencer's misdemeanor. "It's okay, Spence. You know I'm here for you. Whatever you decide. You obviously don't want to tell Em."

"No."

"Then, you don't have to. Don't hurt her. You know how she feels about Paige."

The tears streaked down her face. She couldn't even feel them. The cold had made her completely numb. "I know. I'm gonna protect her. And Aria, too. I swear I will."

Hanna just squeezed her tighter.

* * *

She kept the things Alison told her to herself. She still wasn't even sure if it'd actually been Alison. Maybe she'd been getting less sleep than she thought. Alison was dead. At least, she was supposed to be. Her eyes darted over to Paige in the driver's seat, Alison's words echoing in her brain, jumbling her thoughts together. Her fingers inched up Paige's forearm until they were snug between Paige's own. Emily pulled their mass of fingers into her lap, using her opposite hand to draw incoherent patterns on Paige's skin. "Thanks for the ride."

Paige smiled, but she didn't look over. "Of course."

"Are you okay?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You just seem…distant."

Paige's grip tightened and loosened in equal measure. She was uneasy. "I'm fine, Em."

"Okay."

She cut the engine off in Emily's driveway, gently untangling herself from Emily's touch. Emily wasn't gonna let her get off that easy. "Do you want to come inside?"

Saying no would seem suspicious, wouldn't it? Like she didn't want to be alone in a house with Emily…like she wanted to be somewhere else. _Shit._ "Yeah, sure."

Alison sat with one knee crossed over the other, her light blue eyes glittering mischievously. She wasn't ever supposed to show up in his apartment, but here she was, all curves and cruelty. Ezra circled around where she sat, his head buzzing from her proximity. "What's wrong?" He asked.

She uncrossed her legs, causing her skirt to hike up an extra inch. It was already tight on her lithe frame. "Nothing's wrong." She said. "Spencer's squirming, right?"

"Yeah."

"Good." Alison stood and though she was at least four inches shorter than him, he suddenly felt small. "I've got Emily where I want her. What about Aria?"

He wiped his palms on the front of his jeans. "I'll take care of it."

"Ezra."

"What?"

"Don't go soft on me. We haven't been working this long to just…"

"I know! I know, god damn it."

Alison gave him that Alison smirk, the one that warned of danger right in front of your face. "Just think. This time next year you'll be famous." Her palm rested right over his steady heartbeat. "We'll be all anyone can talk about. And Spencer and Pigskin will be in a ditch somewhere."

"I'll have Aria?"

She nodded. "And I'll have Emily. And Mona…well, who cares." A laugh slipped out of her. "None of them will even know what hit them."

* * *

Family game night. That's what she was stuck with tonight. Her mother to her left, her brother and father across from her, the Scrabble board halfway filled in front of her. The smile came before she'd even realized how much fun she was having.

"Triple word score. And that puts us in the lead." Ella's voice floated into Aria's consciousness. She turned just as her mother was offering a high five. Aria laughed and obliged, her laughter only growing when she acknowledged the bitterness emanating from Mike and Byron.

"Don't be such sore losers, you guys." Aria admonished, pushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear. There was a sharp knock on the door and Aria rose, wordlessly declaring that she would get it.

It was Spencer, huddled in a winter coat, her pallor almost white except for the circles under her eyes. "Spence, is everything all right?"

"No. I need to talk to you."

"Is that Spencer?" Mike's voice floated in from the other room. "She's on our team!"

Aria chuckled. "Do you wanna join in on our last game? We can talk right after."

Spencer was clearly struggling with herself. Aria put on her best smile and nudged the other girl's shoulder. "Come on, Spence. Please."

"Okay. Okay."

* * *

Emily's kiss was soft and inviting. Paige gave herself over to it, desperate to purge Spencer from her thoughts. It was easier said than done, apparently. Emily made a little noise of protest when the connection broke. "What's wrong?"

Paige could barely catch her breath; that was how long Emily had been kissing her, begging her with actions instead of words. "Nothing. Nothing's wrong." She took in Emily's swollen lips and the dishevelment of her curls. Her hands rested in neutral places: one on Emily's knee and the other tight in one of Emily's. "You're just so beautiful. Sometimes I have to remind myself that you're real and that you really want me."

Emily cupped her face and reeled her in, one leg hooking over Paige's hip as they both fell back onto the bed. "Of course I am. Of course I do." Her tone was sweeter than anything Paige had ever known.

"I love you." _I love you and I'm so sorry._

The next kiss was full of desperation.

* * *

In the end, she chickened out. Aria sat beside her, the game long over, the rest of the family already gone up to bed. Spencer wrung her hands over and over, squeezing until the blood drained from her knuckles. Aria put a hand over hers. "Spence."

Her head snapped around, her eyes wide.

Aria went on. "Spence, you don't look so good."

She breathed out, not surprised to find that there was a lump in her throat. "I, uh, I haven't really been sleeping well."

"Well, is everything okay? What did you want to tell me?"

 _Your boyfriend wants to destroy me._ "You know what? It wasn't really that important. I'll see you at school." She scrambled to her feet. Aria stayed hot on her heels.

"Spencer."

"Sorry to bust in on your game night." Was the last thing she said before the door clicked closed behind her.

She waited till she was safe in her own driveway to dial the cavalry. They answered on the third ring. "I need to see you."

Paige's hesitation could be heard across the line. "Now's not the best time."

"Please."

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

* * *

Paige was barely through the front door before Spencer was on her, her kiss brutal and urgent. The surprise wore off long enough for Paige to grab her around the waist and pull her closer, turning them around and slamming Spencer into the door. Her breath left in a rush, but she kept going, energy and need darting along her veins in harmony. Paige ended the kiss, her mouth barely a breath away. "Spence."

A shiver coursed through her. Their fingers tangled together at either side of Spencer's head and Paige pressed herself flush to her, her grin all too sure of itself. This was not a good idea. Another, softer kiss wiped that thought from Spencer's consciousness. She lifted one leg, letting it settle against the back of Paige's knee. It was unbelievable that she wanted this as bad as she did. "Please." She whispered between kisses. Just like that, Paige was lifting her and Spencer took the opportunity to wind both legs around the other girl's waist. They stopped in front of the couch, still trapped in passion as Spencer shook her head. "No. Not here. My bedroom."

Paige couldn't have been happier to give into her request.


	6. Chapter 6

Sunlight was just beginning to drift into her room when her eyes shot open the next morning. There was an unfamiliar weight against her that was definitely not Toby. It was too soft and too gentle and…oh, God. The events of last night flooded back in a blur of motion and the rasp of Paige's voice saying her name. Slowly, Spencer rolled onto her back, only to find that she wasn't imagining any of it. Paige was here, sound asleep, her modesty afforded only by a very thin sheet.

"No. No. No." She needed to get up, but she was glued to the spot, observing Paige's even breathing. Never in her life had she ever seen anything so peaceful. _Jesus, Hastings, pull yourself together._ Her next thought was about how last night's sleep had been dreamless…and that it was because of Paige.

As if she'd heard her name echo through Spencer's mind, she began to stir, her eyes opening to slits. A sleepy smile broke out across her face. "Hey."

Spencer felt her words catch in her throat. _How is she not freaking out right now?_

Paige tilted her head questioningly. "I should go, shouldn't I?"

"I don't want you to." It was the truth. The terrible, undeniable truth. "But yeah, you should."

"Okay." She slipped out of the bed. Spencer couldn't help the way her eyes traced the slope of Paige's back and the flexing of her triceps as she pulled her t-shirt on.

 _I'm so fucked._ "Paige?"

Paige turned halfway around, giving Spencer a view of her left breast. "What, Spence?"

"I don't regret it. I know I should, but I don't."

Paige's only response was a sad, soft little smile that barely quirked her bottom lip.

* * *

Everything Spencer had told her was swirling around in her head. She felt guilty and tired and helpless. Frustrated, she slammed her locker shut and stalked toward the girl's locker room, where Emily was just emerging from her morning practice.

"Em, we need to talk." She tugged on Emily's elbow, ignoring her friend's confused look.

"Hanna, I was supposed to wait for Paige."

"I don't care." She pulled her friend toward the courtyard's nearest alcove. "This is important."

"Okay." Emily watched her expectantly, her arms crossed over her chest.

Hanna's confession clogged up her windpipe.

"Well?"

"Are you and Paige okay?"

Emily's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, has she been acting strangely? Keeping secrets? That kind of thing?"

"Not really. Why?"

Ugh. "Because she's hiding something. I don't know what it is, but she is, okay?"

"Hanna, please don't start this again." Emily said with a pointed roll of her eyes.

"I'm not starting anything. Just…just talk to her. Please. And if she won't tell you, ask Spencer."

Now, Emily's confusion was almost tangible. "Spencer? What does she have to do with anything?"

"Em, just trust me."

They walked out of the school's main entrance together – Paige and Spencer that is – and Hanna would've missed it completely if Emily hadn't gone so rigid, her gaze focusing on a spot over Hanna's shoulder. She spun on her heel and there it was. It wasn't friendly, but they were standing a little too close, whispering heatedly in that way two people did when they had something to hide from those around them. Hanna reached out to put a hand on Emily's shoulder; the energy she could feel vibrated into her skin. "Em."

But, there was an open smile and Emily was already walking away from her. "Hey, guys." Paige and Spencer both startled comically, as if they were doing a skit. Emily doesn't flinch. "What are you doing?"

"Paige and I are doing a project together."

"I just wanted to ask Spencer a question."

They said it at the same time, both of them looking anywhere but at Emily. They both looked toward Hanna. All she could do was shrug. Maybe they deserved this. Emily wouldn't let them go. "What class is it for?"

Thankfully, they both said physics and finally, Emily acquiesced. She grabbed at Paige's hand a little harder than she meant to. "Come on, walk me to class."

She threw one last glance at Spencer over her shoulder.

* * *

It was later in Physics class that Paige received a text from Spencer, who was sitting on the opposite side of the room.

 _Emily would kill me if she knew what goes through my head every time I see you._

 _Me, too._ Paige watched Spencer's teeth sink into her bottom lip reading the reply. _Spence. Stop biting ur fucking lip._

 _Why?_

 _Cause it makes me want to jump you._

 _Didn't get enough last night?_

 _Not even close._ Even from this distance Paige could tell that Spencer was grinning madly. She was getting off on Paige's frustration.

 _Tsk. Tsk. I thought you had self-control._

 _Would you prefer it if I did?_

 _No._

 _Well, Hastings, I think we've reached a stalemate._

 _Seems that way, McCullers._

She shook her head at Spencer's playfulness and swallowed every last ounce of her pride. _My place? 8 o'clock?_

 _I'll be there._

* * *

Hanna poked at her food absentmindedly. Her head kept spinning, no matter how much she willed herself not to think about the mess Spencer had gotten herself into. She would give anything not to have Emily find out what she knew.

"Hey, Han."

She jumped at the sound of Mona's cheery greeting. Didn't she know Hanna's world was on the verge of falling apart? "Hey, Mona. What's up?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to hit up the mall with me later."

"Not today, Mon."

"Geez, who whizzed in your fruit loops?"

A sharp pain hit behind her eyes. Rubbing at her temples, she finally glanced up at Mona. "No one. I'm just not in the mood for it today."

Mona slid into the seat across from her, suddenly very attentive. "Since when?"

She dropped one hand to the table and folded it into a fist. She decided to bypass the question altogether. "You're still working with A."

"What?" There was a playful grin just underneath the surface of her feigned surprise. It was as if she couldn't quite believe Hanna didn't trust her.

"You heard me."

"How can you be so sure?" Her dark eyes glinted against the daylight.

"Because I know you. You can't resist a good mind game."

"You think you know me? That's rich, Han. You couldn't even figure out that I was the one tormenting you and your bitch friends when I was right under your nose."

Hanna felt her fingernails digging into her palm. It stung less than Mona's smug words. "Leave me and my friends alone."

Mona leaned across the table threateningly, her pupils even shinier from this angle. She appeared completely insane. "I would, honey, but unfortunately, it isn't my decision to make."

She sauntered away with her head held high, but not before tossing Hanna a playful wink.

* * *

Her heels clicking on the marble tile was the only sound in the empty hallway. School had let out ten minutes ago, right around the time she'd received a text from Ezra asking her to meet him in his classroom. She'd answered affirmatively a split second later. Nervousness churned around in her belly, making her palms sweaty and her heart race.

His door was open and she slipped inside, a smile splitting her lips when he turned around to catch her in his arms. His laugh was warm against the shell of her ear. "Hey."

"Hi." She murmured, readjusting her skirt as she took a step away from him. "You wanted to see me?"

"Yeah. I have a proposition for you."

"Do you?"

He wrapped his arms around her and reeled her in until she was barely a breath away. "I own this cabin outside of the city. I thought we could spend a night there. Just the two of us."

She pretended to think about it, her bottom lip poked out in a pout, her fingertip tapping on her chin. "I don't know. I might have plans."

He put on his best sad rejected puppy look.

"I'm just kidding. I would love to spend the night with you."

"Good."

"Just let me go home and pack an overnight bag, okay?"

"Okay."

* * *

She pulled at the bottom of her coat, ensuring that it covered what lay hidden beneath it. Next, she fiddled with her sunglasses, already knowing long before she'd gotten here that they were perfectly symmetrical on her face. Trepidation began to eat her and she contemplated turning around and going home. That, of course, was when the door opened.

The adorable look of disbelief that colored Paige's features made everything worth it. "Spence, what are you…?"

She flipped open her coat to reveal a skimpy police uniform. It had been meant as a gesture of sorts for Toby, but this was without a doubt a better use for it. The way Paige's jaw hung open… _Damn._ "Hands where I can see them, McCullers."

A dumbass smirk proceeded her response. "Of course, officer."

Spencer shoved her way into the house, closing the door with a resounding click. She dropped the coat as she stepped even closer, her heart pounding out her anticipation. Paige made a move like she was about to reach out and touch her; Spencer slapped her hand away. "No touching until I say." She dropped a kiss on Paige's lips, pressing herself impossibly close in an effort to test Paige's self-control. When she was satisfied that Paige's hands would stay at her sides, she deepened the kiss. The tension crackled out of Paige's body; Spencer felt how hard she was trying to keep her word. A laugh bubbled out of her, landing against Paige's mouth. "Fuck, I like you." She said, swallowing down the rest of the words that wanted to be said.

"I like you, too." Paige replied, giving her a kiss that was unbearably sweet.

"You can touch me."

"Thank God."

* * *

It was an impulse. That was all. It wasn't because of what Hanna had told her; all of that was insane. Paige and Spencer? It was crazy. They barely tolerated each other and they were always on the verge of fighting to the death over Emily's honor. So, yeah, everything Hanna had gone on about sounded ridiculous, but Emily's brain was wired to constant paranoia, courtesy of A. _Ezra._ She reminded herself, still a little blown back by the idea.

She put her car in park in front of Paige's house, her thoughts going eerily quiet. She walked the short distance to the front door, her footsteps sloshing on wet pavement. The rainstorm hadn't lasted long, but its remnants dotted the path. She hesitated over the doorbell. What if Hanna was right? What if whatever was going on between Paige and Spencer was something Emily didn't want to know about? What if they were keeping a secret to protect her? What if it was something even worse?

"I have to know." She whispered into the quiet as she gave in and rang the bell.


	7. Chapter 7

Paige's kiss made her mind go blank. It was such a wonderful feeling that Spencer tugged on the other girl a little harder, desperate to have something last just this once. "Paige." She breathed against the lips assaulting hers.

Paige's only response was to rock her hips into Spencer's.

"Fuck."

A breath of a laugh hit the skin at her throat. "I love it when you curse." Paige said against her, smirking.

The doorbell went off at that exact moment.

"That's probably dinner." She scooted back on her haunches and stood up, her eyes scanning over Spencer Hastings, totally disheveled in that sexy navy blue uniform, her lips swollen from making out, her pupils dark with need. Paige's tongue darted out across her lips. "I have more self-control than I thought."

Spencer got up in slow motion, tantalizing in the way she refused to break eye contact. Her fingers brushed along the hem of Paige's t-shirt, rearranging it so it seemed as if she hadn't been on the verge of getting laid. "And to think I was going to put out before being fed."

"Now that would've been a shame. And a detriment to the Hastings dynasty."

"Shut the hell up and pay for my dinner, McCullers." She slid her arms around Paige's waist from behind and pressed a soft kiss to her jawline as she opened the door.

"What the hell is going on here?"

They both jolted backward, their expressions a matching pair of surprise and fear. "Em." Paige reached out a hand only to have Emily back away and stare like she'd never met the two girls standing in front of her.

Spencer stayed frozen behind Paige, wishing her lover could protect her from the wrath Emily was on the verge of unleashing. "We can explain." She offered weakly.

The door slammed so hard that Spencer was sure it would tremble right off its hinges. Emily stalked farther into the room like a predator hunting its prey. Spencer knew she was the latter in this situation. Then, Emily started speaking words tainted with pain and Spencer was forced to amend her observation. She'd ripped Emily's heart out and left her dying on the ground. "Hanna tried to warn me." Her gaze darted from one to the other. "She tried to tell me that something was going on. I didn't believe her." She eyed Spencer's outfit and scoffed. "I'm such an idiot."

"Em, please, just…"

Again, Emily smacked Paige's hand away. "Don't you dare touch me."

A fresh surge of courage sent Spencer into the space between them. "Em, we love you. You know that."

"You sure have a funny way of showing it."

"You have to understand. We couldn't… _I_ couldn't help myself. I was in a really bad place and Paige was trying to comfort me."

Emily gave a sardonic laugh. "How? By sticking her tongue down your throat? I can't believe this, Spence. You're supposed to be my best friend."

"I am your best friend. And, I'm so so sorry, Em. We're both so sorry you had to find out this way."

She stared down at her shoes and hugged herself, as if she were trying to keep herself together using sheer pressure. "If I hadn't…would have ever told me? Would you have stopped?"

Spencer felt Paige beside her, practically buzzing from the unease. They exchanged an unsure look that seemingly answered Emily's question. "Unbelievable. You would've gone behind my back forever." She shook her head sharply and cast her eyes up to the ceiling. "Do you…Are you…"

"What?"

Her breaths were shaky and it was then that Spencer finally noticed she was crying. "Do you _love_ each other?"

Another glance at Paige told her to lie, but this wasn't just anybody. This was Emily. "I don't know, Em. Maybe."

"What the hell does that mean? Do you or not?"

"I do." Spencer said honestly, too ashamed to look at either of them.

"Well, then, I hope you two are very happy together."

The door opened again and Emily rushed out, her sneakers scraping on pavement. Paige went after her, screaming out 'Em, wait.' Spencer dropped her shoulder to the doorframe and watched them argue, Em's voice high with emotion, Paige's husky with it. There was an intimacy to the way they stood together, hands nearly touching, faces close enough to breathe in each other's exhales. Spencer's chest tightened. This relationship was ending because of her. She was a homewrecker on top of being the world's worst friend. Hanna and Aria would abandon her, too. It was only a matter of time. She was scum and she deserved their dismissal. When she tuned back into her surroundings, Paige was heading up the driveway, her cheeks streaked with her grief.

"God, I'm so sorry, Paige."

"It takes two to tango, Spence."

"I know, but I just feel so fucking awful."

Paige nodded and opened her arms. "Come here." Her hands were warm and soft and Spencer melted into the embrace, sighing out her helplessness. "Spence…do you really?"

"Do I really what?"

"Love me?"

Spencer raised her gaze to meet Paige's. "Yeah, I do."

Paige kissed her firmly and just like that, they were in another heated, desperate embrace. Spencer let go first, her brain a confusing muddle of guilt and want. "I'm sorry." She made a move to disentangle herself, but Paige's strong grip kept her close.

"What are you sorry for? It wasn't like you forced me into something I didn't want."

"I'm sorry about Emily." She admitted as she snuck her index finger through Paige's belt loop.

"Spence, look at me." Sheepishly, she did as she was told. "It'll be okay. I swear it will."

Her instinct was to be pessimistic. Hope was a myth. Yet, somehow, Paige made her want to hope for something. And that was the most dangerous thing Spencer had ever known. "I believe you."

* * *

At school the next day, Spencer bee lined for Emily. She needed her friend to know how terrible she felt. Even if she and Paige were just two people who'd fallen for each other at the worst time, Spencer still craved the amending of her friendship.

"Em." Emily ignored her. Spencer saw the bags under her eyes and the slight redness of her irises. Her heart clenched painfully. "Em, would you please talk to me?"

Nothing.

"Em, look, I know you hate me right now, but you have to understand. I didn't do this to hurt you. I swear it."

"I find that hard to believe." Emily's dark eyes stared a hole through her.

"Why?"

"Because you always want what other people have. First your sister. Now your friends. What, is Toby not enough for you?"

Spencer ducked her head. "Toby and I aren't together. We haven't been together for a while."

"You think that gives you the right to meddle in my relationship?"

"No, Em, of course not. I wasn't thinking, all right? I have no excuse."

"Damn right you don't." She snapped, shoving her way past Spencer. "I have to get to class."

* * *

Paige went swimming that night in an effort to calm her jumbled emotions. The water soothed better than any balm and she basked in the silence it created all around her. Nothing could reach her here, not even…

One of the tables that dotted her pool deck crashed to the cement and Paige startled at the sound, darting to the shallow end to investigate. It just Emily. She moved crookedly, one hand out to steady herself. Paige lifted herself out of the pool and covered the distance between them cautiously. This scenario reeked of déjà vu and Paige felt herself growing sick with it. "Em, are you okay?"

A grin slid across her lips at the sound of Paige's voice. When their eyes met, Emily's were glazed over and unseeing. "Yeah." A giggle surrounded the reply.

"No, you're not. You're drunk."

Another laugh, louder and more boisterous than the first. "Maybe a little." She touched her fingers to Paige's hip, marveling at the swim suit's soaked material. She rubbed it between her thumb and forefinger, blowing out a breath through gritted teeth. "I just missed you." It sounded as if it'd taken a lot of effort for her to admit it; Paige felt her heart breaking. How could she have done this to someone so good?

"Em, you shouldn't be here."

"Why not?" She stuck out her bottom lip like a scolded child. "Is it because of Spencer? Do you love her more than me?"

"Never." Paige said honestly. "I love you, Emily. I love you so much."

"Just not enough to not cheat on me." She swayed on her feet, forcing Paige to use both hands to keep her upright.

"It wasn't like that, Em. It wasn't because I don't love you. It was because I love you too much."

"What does that mean?" Vodka was thick on her breath.

"It means that Spencer and I are fuck ups and you deserve better."

"What if I don't want better?" Her long fingers folded into Paige's suit and tightened roughly.

"Em…"

"Tell me what I did wrong."

"You didn't do anything, Em. I promise."

"I love you."

"I know. I'm so sorry."

She burrowed her face into Paige's neck. "I forgive you."

"No, you don't." Paige whispered into her ear. "And even if you did, I don't forgive myself."

"Paige."

"Please leave, Em. Please."

"You don't mean that."

"I do. Please."

"Fine."

Paige squeezed her eyes shut so she didn't have to watch Emily walk away.

* * *

"Have you heard from Aria?" Hanna asked frantically as she barreled through the front door.

Spencer shook away the cobwebs fogging up her brain and tried to focus on Hanna's shrill question. "Not since yesterday. Why?"

"She's not answering her phone. Fitz wasn't in today, either."

She tried to align her thoughts, but everything blurred. Her fallout with Emily had made her blind to the rest of the world. What would her selfishness cost Aria? _God damn it._ "I don't know, Han. I've been distracted."

"Jesus, Spence, what if he chops her up and feeds her to wolves or something?"

"Hanna!"

"What?"

"Don't talk like that. I'm sure she's fine. Her phone probably died or something."

"We should go over there."

"Just call her house phone. We'll find her." Dread was coiling in her belly. If Aria was in trouble, it was all Spencer's fault.

Hanna's expression was skeptical at best, but she nodded her agreement. Spencer half-zoned out, but she heard Hanna's frantic responses to Ella. She tried to control her breathing. _Aria's fine. Aria's fine_ was the mantra that kept going through her head. Hanna hung up. Spencer felt her stomach drop at how pale the blonde went. "What is it, Han?"

"She's outside of the city. At some cabin. With Fitz."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I apologize for this being relatively short, but it's meant to be a set up for the next couple chapters, which will be massive plot-wise. Side-note: I can't remember if Aria ever actually told the Liars about Ezra's full name being Fitzgerald. That's why I use that as a plot point in this chapter.**

* * *

Her head was pounding and her stomach was doing backflips. The walk back from Paige's was long and pathetic and it involved her shoving her fists into her pockets in order to avoid lashing out at every trash can and mailbox she came across. She was angry at Spencer, at Paige, at herself. It was a confusing swirl of red hot emotion; never in her life had she ever felt anything this strongly. Not toward Ali or Maya. Just Paige and Spencer. They'd shoved a knife into her back, through her heart and out the other side.

She rubbed hard at her eyes, trying to refocus her vision. The world seemed to shift further on its axis the closer she got to home. Her phone vibrated. One new text.

 _Don't beat yourself up, Em. Good things come to those who need it most. – A_

* * *

At that exact moment, two streets over, Spencer's phone rang. "Hello?"

"Hey, it's me."

Spencer wiped at drying tears and turned away from Hanna. "Hi. What's going on?"

"Emily was just here. She was drunk off her ass and she…came onto me."

There was a distinct cracking sound from somewhere inside her; Spencer could only assume that this is what it felt like to have your heart broken. At least Paige had the courtesy to let her down easy. "Okay. What did you do?"

"I told her to go home."

Spencer felt Hanna behind her, absolutely overflowing with nervous energy, shifting from foot to foot and chomping on a fingernail. Annoyed, Spencer put a palm out in a way that indicated she needed a second. "You did?"

"Of course I did. Did you think I wouldn't?"

"I don't know." Her head was spinning. With a helpless sigh, she collapsed onto the living room couch, pinching the bridge of her nose. Hanna kneeled down in front of her, one hand on her knee. Spencer barely noticed.

"Spencer." Paige admonished. "I really, really care about you."

 _Care about me. Right. Care about me. Not love me._ "You're in love with Em." Spencer replied. Her tone was barely there. She hated it. She hated that Paige brought out so much weakness in her.

"Spence." Her voice shrunk down. "You don't believe that I want you?"

"Of course I do. Look, Paige, I can't do this right now. Aria's off in the woods somewhere with Fitz."

"What?! Did you call the police?"

"You know as well as I do that we can't risk it. We have to find her on our own."

There was silence for a long second. "Well, hang tight. I'm coming with you."

"Paige, no. I can't put you in danger."

"I'm not letting you do this alone."

"I'm not alone. Hanna's here."

Spencer knew she was being unnecessarily difficult, but the insecurity was chewing on her confidence and she didn't know if she could be around Paige right now.

"Spence, why are you trying so hard to push me away?"

She locked her eyes on Hanna. The blonde's expression bled sympathy and Spencer felt suddenly unbelievably grateful that someone was on her side. "I'm not. Ugh, just hurry up and get here. We don't have a lot of time."

* * *

Her gaze scanned down the line of his back as he poured himself a glass of scotch and took a slow sip. A draft blew into the room and created goosebumps on her skin, despite the warmth she was feeling just from looking at him. "So…" she began.

"So." He smiled behind the rim of his glass. It seemed different than smiles he'd been giving her for the last year and a half. "I have something to ask you."

"Okay."

He settled easily into the seat beside her, one palm resting on her knee, his light blue eyes shimmering in the dim light. "Do you trust me?"

Aria snorted. "That's your question? Of course I trust you."

"What about your friends? Do you trust your friends?"

Her brow furrowed charmingly. "Yeah. What is this all about?"

"Aria, Alison is alive."

"What?"

"It's true." He rubbed a soothing touch into her thigh and leaned even closer.

"How do you know that?"

"I have my ways."

"If Ali's alive…who's in her grave?"

"That's what I have to talk to you about." He rose from his seat and strode across the room to a desk against the wall. It was layered in dust and visibly weathered. Ezra slid a key into a key slot in the farthest drawer, pulling out a manila envelope. Grimly, he made his way back over to her, holding out the envelope for her inspection. It was marked with the word 'evidence.'

"What's this?" She asked wearily.

"Information." He answered. Indifference stamped itself onto his posture.

Unease made her stomach turn over as she lifted out a photograph. It was Spencer, dressed in that plaid sweater vest and pleated skirt she'd worn…"This is from the night Ali disappeared."

Ezra only nodded.

Aria studied the photo a little closer, an involuntary gasp leaving her when she realized Spencer was clutching a shovel in her right hand. The murder weapon? It was impossible, especially if it was true that Ali had lived. "What are you trying to tell me?"

"I'm trying to tell you that Spencer Hastings isn't who you think she is."

* * *

Paige stood so close Spencer felt the other girl's body heat burning into her back. She kept her eyes on the screen in front of her, her fingers moving frantically over the keys, trying to find the address to Fitz' cabin. Hanna stood on her opposite side, one hand flat on the table beside Spencer's forearm. "Do you have any idea what you're looking for?" She asked.

"If I did, Hanna, we wouldn't be sitting here asking Google." Spencer blew out a breath and tried to remind herself that Hanna was stressed and scared, same as her. "I don't think Fitz is his real name."

"What do you mean?" Paige's equally fearful voice drifted into Spencer's consciousness, making her horribly dizzy for a moment.

 _Deep breaths, Hastings. Focus._ "I mean, aside from his social media and Rosewood High profile, there's nothing listed for Ezra Fitz. He changed his name before he came to Rosewood." She scrolled a little further down and found a listing for The Fitzgerald Theatre, owned by the prestigious Fitzgerald family in New York. "Or he shortened it." She looked up at Hanna. "Call Caleb. We have some hacking to do."

Hanna gave a short nod and retreated toward the living room, already holding the phone to her ear. Paige's fingers brushed Spencer's lower back, sending a shiver right up her spine. "Paige." She reached back and wrapped her hand around the back of Paige's neck, tugging her close so their lips could meet. "I'm sorry about before."

"Don't be." Paige whispered. "I understand what it must feel like. It's how I feel every time I think about Ali and Em together."

Spencer smiled a sad, knowing smile. She couldn't pinpoint the moment when this girl had crept up on her, but she couldn't be happier that it'd happened. Standing up, she slipped her arms around Paige's neck. "For the record, I care about you, too."

Paige ducked her head to hide the blush that touched her cheeks. "I'm glad."

"We'll be okay. That's what you told me, right?"

"Right." Paige replied, brushing her lips against Spencer's again. "Should we call Em? You know, to let her know about Aria and Fitz?"

"We'll have to wait for Hanna. Em won't want to talk to either of us, I'm sure."

In spite of herself, Paige laughed. "That's why you're the smart one, Hastings."

"Don't forget it, McCullers."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thank you to all who've been reviewing this fic. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.**

* * *

 _3 months from today_

 _She'd been waiting for an hour and a half when Spencer finally emerged from the back dressed in the clothes she'd been in when they came to take her. "Hey."_

 _Paige lunged at her and crushed her into a hug. "They wouldn't let me see you until everything was squared away. The trial date is…"_

 _"_ _Stop, Paige. I don't want to hear about it. I just want to get out of here."_

 _"_ _Okay." She put an arm around Spencer's waist and led her out to where the little royal blue Toyota was waiting._

 _It wasn't until they were on the way to Spencer's house that either of them spoke again. "Thank you, Paige. For posting the bail."_

 _"_ _Well, if you can't count on your girlfriend to bail you out of jail then what the hell is the point of having one?"_

 _In spite of herself, Spencer chuckled. "Touché, McCullers. Touché."_

* * *

Today

They were all here now and it was like one of those horror movies where everyone gets together and ends up making it easier for the killer to take them out one by one. A chill gathered in Spencer's guts and spread all over her body. None of this felt right, especially not Paige on the other side of the room with one hand on Emily's shoulder, saying things that Spencer could only assume were supposed to be comforting. She felt duped, like she should've known better than to believe that something could actually go her way. Paige turned her head and their eyes met and it only managed to darken the cloud over Spencer. She averted her gaze toward Hanna and Caleb, who were huddled over Caleb's laptop on the coffee table their fingers tangled together in Hanna's lap. Spencer's body only seemed to grow colder. When she finally found the courage to look again, Emily was smiling at something Paige said and red hot anger flooded her bones. At least, that's what Spencer wanted to believe it was. In actuality, it was burning jealousy and she could've recognized it anywhere.

She tried to control her breathing and tell herself that Paige wasn't attempting to hurt her. She was just being the naturally decent person she was. If any feelings for Emily remained, Paige wasn't going to act on them. Right? _You're so fucking selfish._ She mentally scolded. _When did you become so fucking selfish?_ The answer was easy: it was the moment Paige decided to give into her and betray Emily. Spencer groaned under her breath. _You're a terrible person who deserves to burn in hell._ She averted her eyes from Paige with too much effort and crossed the room to join Hanna and Caleb. "Any progress?" She asked, hugging herself.

Caleb shook his head. "It's not that easy to access personal records, Spence."

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm just…"

He glanced at her. His eyes were soft with understanding. "I get it. I promise I'm working as fast I can here."

She walked to the kitchen, hoping to distract herself for a bit. Emily and Paige were still whispering, but at least they weren't touching anymore. Spencer marked it a small victory and went about making herself a sandwich. She hadn't eaten anything substantial since the night Paige convinced her to order pizza. Her stomach gave a grumble at the thought. She wanted Paige to come over here and lean over her, her hands helping Spencer along in her task, that soothing voice saying sweet nothings Spencer could lose herself in.

"Need some help?" Paige materialized beside her.

Spencer's heart leapt the way a teenager's did when a crush acknowledged their existence. _Pathetic._ "No, I'm good. I just needed something to do with my hands."

Paige brushed a comforting hand along her shoulder. "Coffee's up in this cabinet right?"

Spencer turned to look where she was pointing and nodded. "Yeah." Her hunger was forgotten as she watched Paige go about brewing the coffee. Her hands moved with purpose, her long fingers hypnotizing even in this simplicity. Spencer found herself craving this domesticity and for a second, allowed herself to indulge in the fantasy of achieving it with Paige.

"Do you want some?"

It barely registered that Paige was addressing her. "No. No."

"Spencer Hastings refusing a cup of coffee? What has the world come to?"

She slapped Paige's shoulder playfully, mentally wishing that Emily was watching. "Shut up."

"I've missed that smile." Paige admitted. "It's been a couple days since I've seen it."

Spencer's smile widened as she tugged the girl into a soft, lingering kiss. Was she putting on a show? Maybe. Did she care? Not one bit. This was a competition and Spencer Hastings was winning. It was just business as usual. Mortified by the thought, she separated from Paige. The coffee maker hissed and clicked from beside them, as if it were judging Spencer's indiscretion. Paige moved to pour a cup and Spencer watched her pour in a heaping helping of cream and three scoops of sugar. It was the way Emily took her coffee. She had no reason to be jealous about it; her friend was probably still working off the alcohol from earlier, after all. Still, Spencer's chest burned with it. She felt sick and helpless and not good enough. It echoed over and over and over. _She doesn't want you. Who could possibly want a fuck up like you?_

* * *

Emily was grinning as she took the mug from Paige's hands. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it." Paige said with a grin of her own, reclaiming the spot next to Emily on the couch.

"So, that was…" Emily began, gesturing in Spencer's general direction.

Paige caught her drift. "Shit, I'm sorry, Em! I wasn't thinking."

Emily shook her head. "That's not what I meant. It's just…she seems…lighter around you. Happier. I haven't seen her smile like that at anyone in a long time."

"Em…about us…"

"I know. You're sorry. And, yes, I'm still angry. I'll probably always be angry."

Paige nodded solemnly. "You have every right."

"I do. But, I can't go around pretending to hate you. You hurt me, but I don't hate you. I can't. Especially not when you make Spencer smile like that."

Was it possible to be in love with two people at the same time? If so, that's what Paige was. In love with and in between two people who meant the world to each other. "I never meant to come between the two of you."

"Spencer and I have had some epic fights. If it wasn't this, it would've been something else. Believe me."

Paige wanted to point out that none of that sounded particularly healthy, but bit her tongue. Instead, she said, "None of this means that I don't love you, Em."

"I know, Paige."

"I'll always be here for you."

"I know that, too."

* * *

He paced in front of her, his hand sliding through his hair over and over. "Your friends are scared of me, did you know that? They think I'm dangerous."

She wanted to go to him, but her body resisted. Something was very, very wrong here. "Why would they think that?"

"I don't know. But, they should be worrying about themselves." He stopped moving, his body absolutely rigid. "They're probably looking for you right now. They think I wanna hurt you. I don't, Aria. I don't. None of this was supposed to happen this way."

"Ezra, slow down. What are you talking about?"

Fear darkened his features. "Nothing. I'm not talking about anything. Could you please just call your friends and tell them you're fine? Please?"

"Why won't you tell me what's going on?"

"Because the time isn't right. I'll tell you soon I promise. For now, I just need you to call them off. Please, Aria. Please. It's important."

He wasn't making any sense and he looked more disheveled and terrified than she had ever seen him, so she gave in and dialed Spencer. If only so she could get to the bottom of this strange situation.

* * *

Spencer's heart raced at the sight of Aria's name on her caller ID. "Aria?"

"Yeah, it's me."

She nodded toward the others and watched as they all breathed a collective sigh of relief. "Thank God. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Spence. You don't have to look for me. I'll be back soon."

"Aria…are you with Ezra?"

"I have to go. I'll talk to you guys soon."

"Aria, wait…"

The line went dead. Spencer slammed her hand on the counter. "Damn it!" Glancing up at Caleb, she took a deep breath to steady herself. "We have to find her."

They dispersed back to where they'd been. All except Paige, who rushed to Spencer's side and put an arm across her shoulder. "Spence, you need to relax."

"I can't. I can't. Not until we find her."

"And, we will, okay? I swear. But, you need to lay down and get some rest. Please, for me."

The softness in her tone was what made Spencer burst. "I can't, Paige! I'm the reason she's gone!"

Everyone's eyes shot up to look at her. She could feel their scrutiny and their confusion and she wanted to bury herself. She addressed Emily. "It was me. A gave me a choice to keep their identity from Aria or risk you finding out about Paige and I and like an idiot, I kept it to myself. I put Aria in danger to hide my own fucked up mistake. Which of course doesn't matter anymore because you found out anyway." She laughed bitterly through her tears. "And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I couldn't keep her safe. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm just…I'm so fucking sorry, Em." She closed her eyes so she didn't have to see any of them. Their pity and their distaste and their anger. She couldn't stand it anymore. After what could've been hours, a pair of arms wrapped around her. Spencer fell into the embrace, knowing before she even opened her eyes that it was Emily. "I'm so sorry." She said again, only to have Emily hug her tighter.

"She isn't gone because of you. Ezra would've found a way to get to her without using any of us. You know that."

It wasn't forgiveness that much Spencer was sure of. Emily wouldn't forgive her. Probably ever. "I'm still sorry."

"Stop. We're gonna find her. We will." Emily spoke it like an inevitability as she released Spencer.

Spencer wiped numbly at the wetness on her cheeks, feeling weak and ashamed and pitied. She nodded, anyway, accepting Emily's reassurance.

"He isn't going to hurt her." A voice sounded from the direction of the front door and they all turned to see a familiar figure standing there, far more alive than she should be.

Emily went stiff. "Alison."

She didn't seem surprised, but Spencer sure was. "It's true. You're alive." She glanced over at Paige, who was visibly shocked and angered. Spencer put a hand on her lower back in an effort to comfort her.

"Of course it's true." She smiled that toothy, narcissist's grin. "Did you miss me?"


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I've been busy with work, so this chapter took forever. I'm still not entirely happy with it - and I apologize ahead of time for way it ends - but I didn't want to leave you guys hanging for too much longer. I hope to get this story finished in the next couple weeks, so the updates will be more frequent. Anyway, hope you guys continue to enjoy it. :)**

* * *

 _A few weeks from today…_

 _She noticed that the world had gone deafeningly quiet very quickly. She felt like a ghost, wandering around for purpose and substance. In reality, she needed a solid lead, evidence against the people who were trying to hurt those she cared about. The proof had all but disappeared. Not that that was surprising; she should've seen this coming._

 _She slammed her hand down on Spencer's desk, her eyes cast out the window and not seeing much of anything. The DiLaurentis house was dark and unmoving. Paige barely noticed as she flipped through envelopes and papers Spencer had left here. Old homework, forgotten college applications, and a couple of credit card bills. Paige huffed. None of this would get them anywhere. They needed to find Ezra and Alison and end the game before…_

 _Another envelope stood out, though this one was practically useless, too. A letter from Stanford University's admissions office, curling at the edges from being whittled in Spencer's nervous fingers. It hadn't been opened and Paige wondered if Spencer had simply lost her nerve or been distracted by something else. She let the thought go, turning to the sound of a throat clearing behind her. Her lips curled into a grateful smile. "Hey."_

 _"_ _Hi." Caleb moved into the room, stopping once he was beside her, his hands in his pockets. "How are you holding up?"_

 _Paige shrugged. "As well as can be expected, I guess."_

 _"_ _Spencer wants to see you. She says you haven't been answering your phone."_

 _"_ _I can't talk to her, Caleb. Not until I find something that proves she didn't do this."_

 _Caleb put a friendly hand on her shoulder. "That isn't your job, Paige. Let Mrs. Hastings worry about it. You're gonna make yourself sick."_

 _He wasn't wrong; she hadn't slept a wink since Spencer's arrest. Every time she closed her eyes, she heard Ali laughing at her. "I can't just ignore this."_

 _"_ _No one's telling you to. Just take a break. Talk to Spencer. Talk to us. We're all here for you, all right? You're not in this alone."_

 _"_ _Maybe I should be. So no one else gets hurt." She stared down at her tennis shoes and heard everything go eerily silent once again. Caleb's presence was still warm and present, no matter how much she mentally willed him to let her be._

 _"_ _You aren't going to push us away." He said simply, tugging her by the forearm in the direction of the stairs. "And don't ever think that you can."_

 _She'd run out of energy to fight him. She felt hollowed out and useless, a shell of the strong, capable person she'd been. She didn't want to know what Ali planned to take from her next._

* * *

Today

She jumped when a pair of arms slid around her waist, only to relax into them a second later, recognizing the pale skin and forest green nail polish. "You shouldn't sneak up on people." She said, looking out the window toward Ali's house, which was still and quiet. Clearly, Ali hadn't fled there after her time spent in Spencer's living room.

Spencer pressed a kiss to Paige's shoulder blade. "Sorry." Huh. Paige had expected a snarky comeback; maybe Spencer was more affected by all of this than she was letting on. She stepped out of the embrace so she could look into her girlfriend's eyes.

"Are you okay, Spence?" It was a dumb question. It seemed that dumb questions were all Paige had left these days.

"I don't know. After you came up here, Aria called. She sounded…frazzled, but good, I guess. I'm just frustrated. The game has changed so much since Mona played it."

Paige could see the gears in Spencer's head going around, trying to put pieces in places they weren't meant to go. It was how she operated; if something didn't fit, Spencer Hastings found a way to make it fit. Sometimes, it came back to bite her. "We'll figure it out. Fitz can't dodge us forever."

"What if he can? What if we never find anything that proves without a doubt that he's the one doing this?"

"We can't afford to think like that."

Spencer grinned in that sardonic Hastings way she had. "Hope is a dirty four letter word." She said bluntly, crossing her arms over her chest. "And it's a language I don't speak."

"Spence."

"Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like you're trying to figure me out. I'm not a Rubik's cube."

"No." Paige shook her head. "You're much more difficult."

Spencer rolled her eyes at what she assumed was meant to be some kind of compliment. "I hate you."

Paige raised an eyebrow, as if to say 'are you sure about that?'

She stepped closer and leaned in, letting her cheek fall to Paige's shoulder. She felt warm, strong arms encase her and sighed. This is what it was to want something; it was manufactured peace and a steady heartbeat. It was deception and hiding and dreaming and needing. Spencer closed her eyes, trying to smother her self-destructive nature. She could hope if she wanted to; the world wouldn't end. Maybe. "I applied to Stanford."

Nothing happened for a minute or two. Then, Paige's body trembled with a giddy laugh. "You did?"

"Yeah, I did."

Something that Spencer could only describe as disbelief bled into Paige's soft features. "Why?"

Spencer snorted. "Because I want to be near you, you dork." Emily had told her all about Paige's low self-esteem, but this was the first time Spencer was a witness to it. "Is that so hard to believe?" She touched her mouth to Paige's, allowing herself to sink even further into the other girl's arms. "I can't wait to get out of this hell hole of a town."

Soft lips brushed the crown of her head. "I know."

A myriad of emotions clouded over Spencer's thoughts. She felt damaged, like a ship being battered in a category 5 hurricane. Her pieces were scattered somewhere in the surf, jagged and unfitting. She huddled closer to Paige, wishing she could disappear. How could she think about Stanford when her friends were counting on her? When she'd broken Emily's heart and single handedly upheaved her future? "Paige?"

"Yeah?"

"Am I a bad person?"

Paige pulled herself back forcefully, her eyes fiery with anger. "Why would you ask that?"

"What kind of good person would do what I did to their best friend?"

Paige framed Spencer's face with both hands, forcing her to keep looking straight ahead into Paige's dark brown eyes. "You, Spencer Hastings, are the most protective person I've ever met. You take care of everyone and refuse to let them take care of you." The softest, kindest smile Spencer had ever seen in her life graced Paige's lips. "And I admire that about you more than anything."

It was honest and heartfelt and Paige's pupils glittered with it, making Spencer's heart rattle around happily in her chest. "You do?"

"Of course." Paige replied, a slight 'duh' in her tone. "Spence, we've all let our emotions get the best of us."

"I guess you're right."

"I am." Paige said with a smirk.

Spencer kissed it away. "Don't be so smug."

"I can't help myself."

"Jesus, McCullers, shut the hell up and kiss me."

Paige did as she was asked, tugging Spencer into another heated embrace, both hands braced on her hips. Spencer lifted one leg and hooked it around Paige's waist, her heel rubbing at the back of Paige's thigh. Paige grunted as she pressed Spencer into the bedroom door. Spencer couldn't help but grin into the kiss. Aggression was their favorite pastime. The second after that thought swept through Spencer's racing mind, Paige was coaxing the other leg around her waist and holding Spencer up against the door. Spencer pushed back, testing Paige's show of strength. The kiss only deepened. With both hands on Paige's face, she let go of the mouth that was plummeting hers. "Paige. I want you. Your mouth. On me."

It wasn't a surprise to learn that Spencer wasn't a submissive. She had to bite and lick and scratch, had to drive noises out of her partner. It was her competitive nature, the Hastings drive to be the best at everything, even this. She raked her nails into Paige's shoulders under the material of her t-shirt. A strangled moan fell out of her. Paige was on her knees, focused on her assault. Spencer threw her forearm over her eyes in an effort to control herself. "Paige. Fuck."

Deep brown eyes looked up at her, but Spencer didn't see. Emotion soaked those pupils, simmering right under the surface of Paige's skin. Spencer kept herself centered on the blackness behind her lids, trying to keep from coming apart too quick under Paige's ministrations. "Paige. Baby. I'm close." She gathered enough courage to take a peek at the movement between her legs. Her thighs tightened around Paige's head. The vibration of a moan shot up Spencer's body, settling low in her belly and coiling tight. That was the last thing she felt before she came.

* * *

The next day was Sunday and Paige left Spencer's early to go for a run. She needed to clear her head, settle her burning feelings. The only thing she heard was her own heartbeat and all she felt were her feet hitting the soft forest floor. Rhythmic, easy. This path led to the Brew; she followed it almost every day. She knew Emily was working today. That wouldn't stop her.

She went through the door ten minutes later, covered in sweat, her breath coming in raspy exhales. Sure enough, Emily was behind the counter. Paige painted on a real smile. "Morning."

"Hey." Emily was using her professional voice. Friendly, but impersonal. Paige felt personally robbed of something she'd grown so used to: Emily's warm affection. "What can I get you?"

It was like they were strangers. "The usual, Em. Thanks."

Emily nodded, though there was the slightest wince at the use of her nickname. Outside, the world of Rosewood kept turning. Cars zipped by, people chattered on the sidewalks. In here, Paige was helpless to nurse Emily's broken heart. She was moving toward her table at the back of the café when she caught sight of him, heading downstairs from his loft. Everything inside her clenched tight. Her breath was trapped in her throat. Toby locked gazes with her, the tiniest hint of a smile cracking his visage. So, Emily hadn't told him. "Paige. How's it going?"

She thought about Spencer flattened against her bedroom door, spread wide open, grunting out Paige's name like a swear. She coughed. "I'm all right. What are you doing back in town?"

"I have an interview with Tanner to get a job at the department."

"Really? Spencer didn't tell me that." _Shit._

"You've been talking to Spencer?"

She saw Emily standing a few paces behind Toby, observing the scene with interest. Chills that had nothing to do with the sweat drying on her skin exploded down her spine. "Uh, yeah. We've become pretty good friends recently."

"You two always seemed to be at odds."

Paige chuckled. "We're getting better at that, I think. Sort of."

"I'm glad to hear that." He wrung his hands together. "So, uh, how is Spencer?"

"She's okay." She hoped he wouldn't ask further questions. Something he didn't want to hear was on the verge of just bursting out of her. Before she could find the words, her phone rang. It was Spencer. Paige had her saved in the contacts as 'Hastings.' Briefly, she entertained the idea of changing to the simple, personal 'Spence.' She realized in the next second that that was probably her name in Toby's phone and Emily's, too. Paige balked. "Excuse me." She muttered, heading out the front door for the feigned privacy the outside permitted.

"Hello?"

"Hey." Spencer sounded hoarse, her voice still tinged with sleep. It was undeniably sexy. "I was dreaming about fucking you and when I woke up, you weren't here. You're a dream killer, McCullers."

She swallowed the jolt of desire that went through her at Spencer's words. "Sorry. I went for a run."

"Well, are you on the way back? I want to repay you for last night." There was a lilt of a smile in her tone. Paige felt it start to eat away at her resolve.

"Spencer."

"What? Is something wrong?"

 _Everything is wrong._ "You haven't told him." It shook from her, laced with every emotion that swirled in her chest and stole her breath. This was a betrayal. Spencer only loved her the way an owner loved a puppy. For its blind affection. She wanted to scream.

"Told who what?"

"Toby. You didn't tell him about us."

There was a long silence on the other end that signaled the offense Spencer had instinctively taken. "I haven't seen Toby in months." She said defensively.

"Sure you haven't." Paige spat, her rage and jealousy getting the best of her.

"What exactly are you accusing me of?"

"My relationship is finished, okay? Emily can barely look at me. Meanwhile, Toby is blissfully unaware so that when you get tired of me, you can just run back to him like nothing ever happened." It sounded ridiculous, of course, but Paige wasn't used to things going her way. There always someone else. Ali, Maya, now Toby. She was never anyone's first choice.

"Paige, you have it all wrong. I didn't even know Toby was back in Rosewood, I swear." She pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes, blocking out the day around her. Spencer's voice floated through the darkness. "I love him, Paige, I'm not going to pretend that I don't, but he's not who I want to be with. You are."

The assurance was there, clear and plain and honest. Paige heard it and felt it and warmed to it, her whole body relaxing. "Okay."

* * *

Emily covered the space between herself and Toby, engulfing him into a hug that was a bit too tight. He laughed against her. "It's good to see you, too, Em."

A smile – her first genuine one in days – graced her lips. She glanced toward the window, where Paige was still trapped in conversation, her right hand flailing in rhythm with her frustration. Toby noticed where her eyes went. "What's up with you two?" He asked.

Emily swallowed. "Uh, we're not in the best place right now." That was a safe answer, wasn't it?

"You guys, too, huh?"

Her previous smile flattened into a thin grimace as she nodded. "You haven't talked to Spencer at all?"

"Not for a while."

"You should. I think it would be better if you heard it from her."

He went pale. "Heard what from her?"

"Just talk to her, Toby."

* * *

"I left the cabin this morning, while he was still asleep." She crossed her legs underneath her, Spencer's mattress groaning with the movement. "He said that my friends were scared of him."

Spencer laced her fingers together and watched Aria carefully, noting that her best friend wasn't injured, just exhausted and terrified. Guilt latched itself onto her organs and squeezed. She touched Aria's knee. "I'm so glad you're okay." It was the truth.

"Why wouldn't I be, Spence? What were you guys so scared of?"

Spencer thought of Paige's broken, tear-filled accusations on the phone. How she'd automatically taken Toby's not knowing the truth as a betrayal. She knew Aria would react the same way to what she was about to say and she absolutely hated having to do this to two people she loved within half an hour of each other. "Aria, we think Ezra's A."


	11. Chapter 11

48 hours ago

 _She felt Paige behind her, practically trembling from the emotions swirling inside her. Instinctively, she grabbed at her girlfriend's hand and squeezed. She locked their gazes, trying to reassure Paige without words. The other girl looked away._

 _Spencer sighed as she turned back to Ali. 'What is this all about?"_

 _Ali remained utterly indifferent. "You always have to have the answers, don't you, Spence?"_

 _"She's not the only one." Emily said, giving off a stern air as she clenched her fists at her sides. It was as if she was trying to keep from reaching out and touching the apparition on the other side of the room. "Tell us what happened to you."_

 _She moved in that quiet, confident, Ali way and leaned back against the kitchen island. "I'm gonna tell you. Why else would I be here?"_

 _"Maybe to screw with our heads some more." Hanna's words held an edge that crackled with anger._

 _"What's this? Has hefty Hanna finally grown a backbone?" Hanna lunged, forcing Caleb to hold her back. Ali barked out a laugh. "Easy. You could lose a few pounds moving like that."_

 _"Back off, Ali." Spencer's mouth twisted into a sneer. "Tell us what you want."_

 _"Relax. I'm here to help."_

* * *

Today

The first thing Paige heard was the screaming. Spencer's husky voice was distinctive, crackling along the very edges, and Paige strained to decipher what was being said. All she could make out was something about Fitz.

Uh-oh. She took the stairs two at a time and practically catapulted through the bedroom door, finding Spencer and Aria poised on either side of the bed, both caught in mid-scream by the intrusion. There were tear tracks on Aria's face and the threat of tears in Spencer's eyes. Paige looked from one to the other and back again. "You told her, didn't you?"

Aria huffed and crossed her arms, defiant. "Neither of you knows what the hell you're talking about."

Paige had known her long enough to see that she was deflating. She believed them; she just didn't want to admit it. "Aria." She started gently, like she was talking to a wild animal.

"No! I don't have to stand here and take this." She tried to brush past, but Paige wouldn't let her. She took the smaller girl by the shoulders and held her there.

"You have to. We wouldn't be telling you this if we weren't sure." Spencer circled the bed to stand beside them, one hand reaching out to rest on Aria's forearm.

"How? How are you so sure?" The tremble that broke her question apart made Paige want to cry herself.

"He's writing a book, Aria. About Ali. About us. He just wants a good story." Spencer's other hand wrapped around Aria's and laced their fingers together. "You have to believe me."

"He told me something about you, too, you know."

Fear blanched Spencer's cheeks. "What do you mean? What did he tell you?"

"He told me you killed the girl in Ali's grave."

Paige glanced at Spencer, but the other girl's reaction was impossible to decipher. Spencer, a killer? Paige couldn't wrap her head around it.

"Why…why would he tell you that?"

"Because it's true, Spencer. He had proof."

Paige had never imagined Spencer could look so pale and fragile. Defeat wasn't something either of them were well-versed in, but it settled over them now, a weight heavy enough to turn their bones to ash.

Spencer stared at Aria, her eyes haunted with memories of that awful night. "You can't actually believe I would do something like that."

"I don't know what I believe anymore." Aria replied.

Paige watched Spencer's arms fall limply to her sides and let go of Aria in the same moment. Aria shoved past both of them and out of the room. The clomp of footsteps and the slamming of the front door were the only sounds for what felt like years to Paige but was in actuality only a couple of minutes. Spencer's dark eyes were on her and she turned to look, knowing her own shell-shocked expression matched the one Spencer wore.

"I know what they're doing." Spencer's thin voice tore into the thickness of the silence.

"What?"

"They're isolating me. Turning the others against me. Exploiting my weaknesses."

Paige didn't want to ask her next questions. They came, anyway. "What for? Why you?"

"Because, Paige, I'm the weakest link."

* * *

She always knew when Ali was in a room. It was like her presence created a kind of atmospheric vacuum that sucked all the air in the room in her direction. There was always a distinctive whoosh at Ali's entrance. Just like there was right now, as she glided uninvited into Emily's room.

Emily barely reacted, aside from a microscopic twitch at her left eye. "How'd you get in here?"

Ali smirked. "You should lock the door behind you."

A shiver quaked along her spine. Never in her life had Ali ever made her this uneasy. "What do you want?"

"I wanted to see you." Ali replied simply, shrugging.

"Really? Cause that didn't seem to concern you for 2 years." Emily wasn't accustomed to her own capacity for cruelty, but it was welling inside her and tumbling out of her mouth, leaving behind a sour taste on her tongue.

Ali didn't appear hurt or even remotely affected. "I suppose I deserved that."

"Yes." She let out a breath. "What do you want from me?" The crack of emotion couldn't be hidden. Her entire world was crumbling at her feet and yet, Ali had the nerve to stand here, smelling like vanilla and looking at her like she was the last person on Earth.

Ali must've spotted the signs of her internal struggle because she said, "Poor Em. Pigskin isn't who thought she was, is she?"

The fury spiked a little higher. "Don't call her that."

Ali wasn't even paying attention. "I should've seen this coming, honestly."

"Seen what coming?"

"Pigskin and Spencer. There always was something there."

Emily was starting to feel off kilter, like her equilibrium was abandoning her. She could barely see Ali in front of her; her vision was blurring at the edges. "What are you talking about?"

"Spencer never told you about the crush, did she?"

"What crush?"

"While Pigskin was girl crushing on you, Spencer was girl crushing on Pigskin." Ali sounded so fucking smug. It made Emily seethe behind her utter confusion.

"She told you this?"

"Not in so many words." Ali said, stepping farther into the room, closer to Emily. The more the distance shrunk, the more unsteady Emily felt. "But I'm not an idiot."

"You were reading it wrong. Spencer _hated_ Paige."

"I don't read anything wrong, Em. Give me some credit."

"This just…it doesn't seem possible. Spencer accused Paige of being A."

Ali scoffed. "Spencer accuses everyone of being A."

"So, the whole time Paige and I were together, Spencer was what? Trying to put Paige in a bad light so she could get over a crush?"

"Isn't that what any Hastings would do with a problem? Beat it with a stick until it goes away?"

Emily gaped, the gears in her head stalling and squeaking at the idea of Spencer keeping something like this from her. "Spencer would have told me." She said it with more conviction than she actually had.

"Don't be so sure."

* * *

"You know I didn't do it, right? You know I didn't kill anyone?"

Paige – beautiful, clear eyed, clear headed Paige – actually smiled. "Of course I know that, Spence. But, there has to be a reason why Ezra thinks you did."

That night was a haze that carried blurred silhouettes of her friends and broken pieces of conversation. She'd been drunk and on speed at the time, after all. "I don't know what happened, Paige. I swear I don't."

"You guys had been drinking that night, right?"

"Yeah." She left it at that. Paige's disappointment upon learning about the speed would probably rip through Spencer like a knife.

Paige must've caught onto her, anyway. "What is it?"

 _Fuck it._ "There's something else about that night. Something only Ali knows."


	12. Chapter 12

_2 months from today_

 _Sleep had been eluding Paige for a few days now. That was because she'd been obsessed with coming here, to the Rosewood High natatorium. She stood with her arms behind her back, her eyes looking out over the water, observing the calm and trying to absorb it into her body. Swimming was impossible now, thanks to A. She breathed out and the exhaustion hit her everywhere, only to settle right behind her eyes and throb in her skull._

 _The door opened on the other side of the room. Paige didn't startle; she knew Emily was going to show up eventually. Her ex was grim and worn-out as she made her way to where Paige stood. She was silent, but Paige could hear everything she wanted to say. "Don't, Em."_

 _"I didn't say anything." She wore barely there boy shorts and a tank top. Clearly, she'd been planning on sleeping tonight. Paige wanted to laugh at the irony._

 _"I know what you're thinking."_

 _"How could you possibly know that?"_

 _"Because I know you." Paige said._

 _Emily stared down at her shoes and shuffled uncomfortably. "I don't think anybody ever knows anyone else."_

 _"I don't believe that." She took a step toward Emily. "But, I'm sorry if I'm the one who made you feel that way."_

 _"It's not just you."_

 _Paige nodded. "I know. I'm still sorry."_

 _"I'm so tired of hearing you say that." Emily shook her head and came even closer, her eyes boring into those of her ex. "I came here to see how you are. Not to make you feel worse."_

 _"Okay."_

 _"So, are you?"_

 _"Am I what?"_

 _The smile that appeared on Emily's face made Paige's insides twist. "Okay?"_

 _"I'm holding myself together as best as I can."_

 _She took Paige's hand then, lacing their fingers together and squeezing. Paige's entire body went stiff. The warmth of Emily's touch still affected her from her head to her toes. "You're stronger than you think you are, Paige."_

 _"I'm not sure if that's true." Her deep brown pupils shimmered in the almost darkness of the natatorium, the rippling movement of the water creating patterns on her face. She was thinking about all the ways in which she'd failed the girl standing in front of her, how she'd destroyed a relationship and broke such a fragile heart. She thought about Spencer, alone in a Rosewood PD jail cell, suffering for a crime she didn't commit. Finally, she thought about Ali, alive and well, probably basking in their misery. She wanted to puke._

 _Emily pulled her into a strong hug and Paige melted into it, drowning in the familiar comfort. "We're gonna get through this."_

 _'We.' They hadn't been a 'we' in a long time. It'd been even longer since Emily had referred to them that way. Fear wormed it's into Paige's guts. It was followed closely by a surge of desire. There was nothing she could do to dampen it; not when Emily was this close. She wrapped Emily up a little tighter. "I'm so lost, Em." A sob shook out of her._

 _"Shhhh. It's okay. I'm here. I'm here."_

 _Paige let go first, not trusting herself to be decent in this situation. Being anywhere near Emily still felt like the best kind of dream. She put her hands on Emily's shoulders and moved back. Emily stared back at her, her half-smile devious. It seemed like she wanted to say something. Paige could barely breathe. She wasn't sure who did it, but they were kissing and it was deep and passionate and Emily's hands seemed to be everywhere at once. Paige grunted and wound her fingers into Emily's hair, opening her mouth when Emily asked for entrance. The whole world faded into silence. There was just herself and the girl in her arms. It was like coming home after being away for too long._

 _The noise Emily made – a sort of strangled, desperate groan that came from her belly – sent need jolting down the front of Paige's body. Her brain blared the words 'I love you' over and over and over again. And then, inevitably, Spencer's face floated to the surface of her consciousness. She let go of Emily like she'd been struck, her cheeks flushed, her eyes wild, and her mouth red from the pressure of the kiss. "No. No. I can't." She said, absolutely breathless._

 _"Why not?" Emily murmured, her hands sliding around Paige's waist. "There's no one else here. It's just you and me."_

 _The temptation was hard to resist. She always wanted Emily, even when Spencer was beneath her, panting and begging and saying her name in that impossibly sexy husk of a voice. Spencer. "I can't, Em. I'm in love with Spencer."_

 _Pain threw a shadow over the delicacy of Emily's features._

 _Paige read her mind again. "I love you. I've always loved you. But, Spencer needs me."_

 _"What if I said I need you?"_

 _Paige pressed a kiss to Emily's forehead. "Trust me, you don't."_

* * *

 _Today_

"Back when I only cared about winning and being the best, I used to…" _Don't back out now, Hastings. Just say it._ "I used to take pills."

Nothing moved on Paige's face. "What kind of pills?"

"Speed." Spencer turned her head to stare at the white wall to her right. One of her parent's Monet's hung there, mocking her. "Andrew Campbell told me that it would help me get everything done."

"Are you still on it?"

"No, Paige. No. I swear. I just wanted you to know."

In the next second, she was in Paige's arms. "Spencer, I don't care if you aren't perfect. Neither am I."

"You don't understand."

"Actually, I do." She said, rubbing the pad of her thumb along Spencer's cheek bone. Spencer's eyes drifted closed. Paige went on, "When I was with Emily, I was constantly afraid of not being good enough. On our first date, I pointed out that she had a thing for women who took what they wanted. I tried so hard to be that person, Spence. Strong and put together and brave. I realized too late that no matter how much I loved Emily, all I really wanted was to win. To beat Ali and Maya. And I had. Until you snuck up on me, anyway."

Spencer kissed her, soft and warm and uncharacteristically sweet. "We're both pretty messed up, huh?"

"Absolutely."

The next kiss was harder and deeper.

* * *

Her cell phone woke her much later that night. Paige was beside her, sound asleep. Spencer rubbed at her eyes. The digital clock on her bedside table read 2 AM. The text that awaited her was from Emily.

 _Come outside. I need to talk to you._

Spencer's stomach sank to her feet. With one last glance at Paige, she stood and began her trek downstairs.

To her surprise, Emily didn't seem mad so much as utterly exhausted. "Hey, Em."

"Don't you 'hey, Em' me."

Okay, so maybe there was blind Fields fury there, too. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong? Everything is wrong. You lied to me, Spencer. You lied to me _for years._ "

A fog still lingered over senses, so Emily's sharp accusation took more than a few moments to sink in. "What did I lie about?"

That only seemed to throw more fuel onto the fire. "You're a real piece of work, you know that? You just can't stand it when someone else has something you want."

"Em…"

"You had a crush on her. Since sixth fucking grade."

 _Oh._ "Who told you about that?"

"Ali." Emily said. "And I'm glad she did. God knows you wouldn't have."

The burning hatred she felt for Ali in that second was all consuming and endless. The longer she stood there, staring into Emily's terribly judgmental gaze, the harder it was to find the bottom of her own bitterness. She couldn't rightfully aim any of it at her best friend, though. "I don't know what you want me to say."

"Admit it. Admit that you wanted to take her from me."

"I didn't! I didn't, Emily. Please believe me. Yes, I had a crush on her, but that's not why this happened. This happened because I fell in love with her." She pinched the bridge of her nose, closing her eyes to the pain in her head. When she found the courage to look at Emily again, they were both on the verge of tears. "I'm madly in love with her. And I know you know how that feels. And why I can't ignore it."

"Of course I do." Emily admitted, her voice broken at the very edges.

"She's the best thing that's ever happened to me." Spencer said. "I'm so sorry that it happened, Em. But, that'll never change how I feel."

A surge of weakness dropped Emily's shoulders. "I wish I could hate you."

With that, she walked away, leaving Spencer alone on her own doorstep, shivering in her pajamas, her mind going around in incomprehensible circles. There was sadness and defeat and a swirl of other emotions she couldn't separate from the rest. Beneath all of that was something she didn't want to put a name to, though she knew exactly what it was. It was pride and the racing heartbeat she felt after every victory. Paige's words from earlier pulsed in her brain. _All I really wanted was to win. And I had._

* * *

Her cell was showing a notification for another text when she returned upstairs. This one made her blood burn a little hotter.

 _Pretty little homewrecker. How does it feel to know you're playing a losing game?_ – _A_

Spencer gritted her teeth and held down the power button until the screen went black. A was the last thing she wanted to deal with right now.

Paige was still asleep, completely unaffected by the war that was being waged. Spencer couldn't help but relax at the sight. She slid into bed beside her lover, her mouth settling over the slope of a shoulder. "Paige." She put a hand over the one that was palm flat on the mattress. Her fingers slipped through Paige's. "Paige, wake up."

Paige began to stir, very slightly. The hand that was beneath Spencer's flexed and her legs shifted under the sheets. Her eyes opened slowly, focusing unsteadily on Spencer's face. "Spence. What time is it?"

"Just after 2 in the morning." She replied, kissing Paige's downturned mouth. "Wake up."

"Why?"

"Because I want you."

Paige returned the kiss this time, though her movements were a little slow and drenched in the remnants of her sleep. Spencer pressed herself close, one hand winding into Paige's hair. Paige rolled onto her back and Spencer settled over her, smiling into the kiss. "That's a little better."

"Shut up, Hastings." Paige muttered, pushing her body upward and pressing her mouth harder into Spencer's.

She wanted more. That was the only thought in her head. With another grin, she rolled her hips, losing herself in the helpless groan that hit her in the back of the throat. She let one hand wander into the space between them. Paige's belly gave a tremor under her touch. The tips of her fingers slid under the waistband of Paige's boxers. She didn't go where Paige wanted her. Not at first. Instead, she looked down into darkening eyes and basked in the thrill of victory. Perhaps she was no better than Ali or Mona. Maybe she never had been. That wasn't any of her concern at this moment, with Paige totally pliant in her hands. "Do you love me?"

A long second passed, where Spencer could swear she heard Paige's heart stop in her chest as the question momentarily shorted out her brain. "Yes." She said at last.

"Say it."

The hesitation was gone. "I love you, Spencer. I love you so much."

Wetness greeted her fingers as they traveled a little farther. She bit her bottom lip in response to the pleasure mounting inside her. "You feel so good."

"Spencer."

"What is it, baby?"

"Fuck me."

"Gladly."


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: The characterization in this fic is meant to be a little darker than the show. I try not to stray too far from things these characters would actually do, but I do want them to come off a tiny bit more selfish than the show has portrayed them. Especially where Spencer's obsessive personality is concerned. She's with Paige simply because she doesn't want to not be. Paige is a bit of a push over in the show and though there's nothing wrong with that, I wanted her to be a bit more proactive about what she wants in this fic. Again, I hope they don't come off too out of character. That isn't my intention. I want them to be both faithful to the source and slightly tweaked, not completely unrecognizable. Anyway, I hope you guys like this chapter. This is actually my favorite out of what I've written. Thanks again to those who follow and review faithfully! I can't thank you enough.**

* * *

2 months from now

They hadn't talked about the kiss. Not once. The seemingly endless silence was eating away at Paige, who spent too many nights wondering what it all meant. Did Emily still love her? Did she still love Emily? She was so deeply in love with Spencer – it burned inside her, an open flame – but Emily haunted her. Absolutely _haunted_ her.

She rubbed two fingers along the worry lines in her forehead and breathed out. None of this would get her anywhere. Neither would chewing her nails down to the quick. Yet, here she was, doing both of those things. Her little blue Toyota was parked a few paces ahead of her, in one of the school's designated spots for students. Aria was there, propped up against the driver side door, dressed in a sinfully short pencil skirt and fishnet stockings. She wore a blazer over a white button down. Paige wondered if this was the kind of look Ezra had been into. It had to be, right? "Aria."

The shorter girl smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Hey."

"What's up?" Finally, she noticed Aria's pallor. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Emily and Hanna won't help me." Her eyes were seeing right through Paige.

Dread coiled in her stomach and snarled. "Help you with what?" Paige asked. She wanted to be there for Spencer's friends, but Aria's behavior was terrifying her.

"I just need you to take me. I can do the rest."

"Take you where?"

Aria's hazel eyes bore into hers. The air shifted all around them, seeming to close in on Paige as the smaller girl answered her question. "Ezra's apartment."

* * *

Ezra had a humble apartment, but there was still a certain pretentiousness to it that got under Paige's skin. He had French posters on the wall and an old style typewriter on his desk, sitting right beside his laptop. His kitchen was connected to his living room and his bed was in the corner, the way it would be in a bachelor pad. Paige wanted to barf. It seemed that Aria felt the same way, standing in the middle of the room with his key in her hand, her eyes looking at everything and seeing nothing.

"Aria."

She turned her head, showing Paige the darkness in her countenance. There was a rage there that Paige knew better than she knew anything else in the world. It was how she'd felt toward Alison for so long. It was how she continued to feel. She feared what Aria might do, but the same time, she understood. How could she not? "Aria, why are we here?"

Aria didn't answer. She just moved further into the room, her fingertips running along the edge of the coffee table. She used both hands to flip it, sending magazines and books and one of Ezra's mugs tumbling to the floor. It didn't make much more than a thud when it hit, but for Paige, it was the starting shock of an earthquake. She couldn't make her legs go as she watched Aria head to the desk, where she began to tear papers and send paper weights to the pile of debris.

"He used me." Aria said, her voice stricken. "He used me to get to my friends. He used me for a _story._ " She stared at the typewriter; Paige could practically see her thought process and that awoke Paige's still limbs. She came to stand behind Aria, who now had both hands on the typewriter, preparing herself.

"Aria. You don't want to do this."

"I do, Paige. I do." Aria said, raising her gaze to bore right into Paige's.

Paige felt Aria's anger and her resentment and her melancholy. She recognized all the things she felt every time she thought about what Ezra had done. What he would do. She thought about Spencer doing time for a crime she didn't commit and knew that Aria wasn't wrong to want this. Not after the things that had happened. She watched Aria's hands clench on the cool metal and lift the device. Aria used all her strength to toss as far as she could. It landed on the other side of the coffee table with a resounding crash.

Paige felt vindicated and wondered if Aria felt it, too. One look at the shorter girl told her that she did.

"He deserves this, Paige. You know he does. Now, come on and help me."

Paige nodded her agreement. "Okay. Okay."

* * *

It wasn't until later - when they were both standing helpless among the wreckage that only an hour ago had been a man's entire life - that Aria truly fell apart. The sobs wracked her body, making her double over and clutch at her knees. For a long second, Paige observed. It was cathartic in a way, like a train wreck or a car crash. A street littered with body parts and a patchwork of bloodstains. Except the crime scene was Aria herself and there were no physical signs of injury. Just anguish. As the word echoed in her brain, she rushed to Aria's side, her arms going around the smaller girl without hesitation.

It wasn't awkward, as Paige would've expected. They were just two people suffering insurmountable pain, sharing a terribly intimate moment, surrounded by the debris left behind by the natural disaster that was Aria's broken heart.

They stayed that way for a long time, until Paige remember that they had to get out of here. "Aria."

She looked up, her mascara ruined, her eyes bigger and redder than usual, her hands tight on Paige's jacket.

Paige gave her a sad smile. "We have to go. I won't take you home if you don't want me to, but we have to get out of here."

"Okay. Let's go."

* * *

Today

Obsession was something Spencer Hastings knew well. It was practically her default setting. She dwelled and calculated and overanalyzed. It was her way of life. Naturally, her relationship with Paige wasn't safe from her overactive brain. These days, Paige seemed to be just about the only subject present – A couldn't even hold a candle. Spencer should've felt guilty – after all, she needed to protect her friends – but she didn't. She deserved the momentary peace. It was the least the universe could afford her after everything. She wanted Paige more than she'd ever wanted anything. That was the only thought she had as she flitted around the kitchen, frying eggs and making toast and setting aside two blueberry muffins. She'd never been much of a morning person, but Paige certainly was. She'd left for a run at 6:30, the same as every other day. It was an intimate detail Emily had never shared, that Paige liked to be in absolute control of her body one hundred percent of time.

Spencer took a long sip of coffee and glanced at the clock on the stove. 7:10. She smiled to herself as the door opened and a sweat drenched Paige strode in, all confidence and bemusement at the sight of Spencer in her Rosewood High gym shirt and shorts, an all-star breakfast spread out in front of her. "Hey."

Spencer's grin widened. "Hey."

Paige circled the kitchen island so she could touch Spencer, first her hips and then her cheeks. Her kiss was soft and warm and dotted with a tiny bit of perspiration. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"That's okay." Spencer whispered, winding her arms around her lover's waist. "I needed coffee, anyway."

"Of course you did." Paige replied, reluctantly letting Spencer go and sliding into one of the seats lined along the island.

Spencer scanned every place on Paige's body where sweat was still prevalent. Her collarbone, her forearms, the edge of her hairline. Desire coiled tight in her belly and throbbed in her veins. "Paige?"

"Yeah?"

"I've been thinking."

"About?"

Spencer stared down at her own plate, her appetite evaporating. "You. Well, me and you."

Paige went horribly still. "Okay."

"No. No. It's nothing bad. It's about sex."

That didn't ease Paige's discomfort. She dropped both her fork and her gaze. Spencer pulled at her hand in a frantic attempt at reassurance. "Paige, look at me."

Paige obliged. There was something like pained curiosity in her eyes.

"It's not bad. Nothing about sex with you is bad." Spencer put her smile back on. "I just wanted to try something."

There was a knock on the door. She looked away from Paige to see Toby standing there, shuffling from foot to foot the way he did when he was nervous. Paige must've noticed her horror because she turned around and immediately registered the exact same emotion.

"I'll take care of it." Spencer said. "Don't move." She felt equal parts prideful and terrified on her trek to the door, almost subconsciously noticing the way Toby lit up. "Hey."

He didn't seem to see Paige, though Spencer knew he had to have. "Hi, Spence."

Her heart hammered at the sound of her name falling from his lips again after so long. It still held such reverence and love. Emily must not have told him yet. Clearly, she'd left that particular responsibility to Spencer. _Thanks a lot, Em._ "What are you doing here?" She asked, stepping aside so he could come in.

Now he took in Paige's presence. Nothing changed in his posture or his elated expression. "Paige."

Paige smiled in that friendly yet awkward way she had. "Toby."

Behind them, Spencer fretted the way one did when your ex and your current were inhabiting the same space. _He's not losing it. Why isn't he losing it?_

Toby turned to address Spencer again. "I just wanted to check in. I didn't think you'd have company."

Paige stood, wiping her hands on her warm-up pants.

 _Please don't leave._ Spencer tried to convey it silently, but Paige wasn't paying attention.

"I was just gonna go…"

"No. Don't." Spencer covered the distance between them in a microsecond, one hand on the other girl's forearm.

A cloud of suspicion floated over Toby's head, darkening his light blue irises. "What's going on here?"

Paige went rigid beside her. Neither of them could find their voice.

Toby grew angrier, a redness gathering under his skin. "Emily told me you were hiding something. You are, aren't you?"

Spencer took a deep breath, bracing herself for the inevitable. "Paige and I…we're together."

* * *

2 months from today

"Paige." Emily was startled to find her ex standing on the other side of her door. She looked Paige up and down, seeing almost nothing she recognized. Her ex was harder and stronger. She gave off an aura of Hastings-like confidence. Emily knew it was nothing more than a cover, same as it was for Spencer. That didn't stop the flush of jealousy she felt at the realization that Spencer's behavior seemed to be rubbing off. "Is everything okay?"

"No." Paige said. "We have to talk about what happened."

That was new, too. Paige had never been the type to confront. She usually waited for the source of her problem to come to her. It was quite the role reversal, especially considering that Emily didn't want to talk about any of it. "It didn't mean anything. It was just a kiss."

"We both know it wasn't. Can I come in?"

"No, you can't."

"Em…" Paige came closer, her hands struggling to stay at her sides.

"If you come in, I won't be able to control myself." It was the truth, as awful as it sounded. She was still in love with Paige, just like Toby was still in love with Spencer. Emily felt more and more cheated the longer she thought about how unfair it was that she and Toby were the ones left suffering. Paige's face bled sympathy, which only made Emily feel worse. "Don't look at me like that."

"Why not?"

"Because you don't mean it."

Paige moved even closer, her hands settling on Emily's hips. Emily wanted to back away, but her body refused to listen to her brain.

"Please let me in, Em."

Her heart was pounding her in ears. Paige was so _close_. Too close. Emotions swirled in her chest, gigantic and tangled, completely indecipherable. "I can't."

"You can." Her breath fanned Emily's lips. There was a hint of vodka clutching to its very edges, making everything about this late night visit clear.

Maybe Paige wouldn't remember any of this tomorrow. Maybe Emily could indulge in her own selfishness, the way Spencer had. She shook her head, pulling her front door closed behind her, metaphorically shutting the door on Paige's invitation. "You're drunk, Paige."

"Not really."

"You are." Emily cupped the face that haunted her dreams and looked into the deep brown eyes that could've owned her soul. "You are. You don't know what you're saying."

"I just want you to tell me why you kissed me."

"Isn't that obvious?"

Paige's arms went around her waist and pulled her in tight. "I can't believe how much I've missed you. How often I think about you."

Emily could only wonder when her life had become this soap opera-like recurring nightmare. "Paige, don't."

"Em."

"Please."

* * *

Today

"You're…you're together?" He spat it out like a curse, hateful and unwanted.

Spencer actually _flinched_ and instinctively pushed herself into Paige's side, obviously wanting the comfort her girlfriend's warmth provided. "Yeah." Spencer said after a moment. And, as an afterthought, "I'm sorry."

He stared down at his shoes, his brow furrowed in confusion, his hands on his hips, his chest heaving with every forceful breath. "How? _Why?_ "

Spencer had been a witness to many of Toby's emotions. His rage, his bitterness, his sadness, his indifference, his hatred, his love. But this…this defeated sort of overwhelming need to know was something new. It's as if he knew the answer would kill him, but that didn't stop the question from trembling out of his lips. "I don't know." She answered honestly. "It just happened." Paige had dealt with Emily gently, like Emily were a child who needed to be taught where to aim her distaste. Spencer couldn't do that with Toby. He would do whatever he wanted, say whatever he wanted, feel whatever he wanted and all of it would be aimed right at her.

"How can you not _know_?"

She stepped in front of Paige protectively, though she still felt Paige's palm on her hip, steady and warm. "It wasn't like I planned this, Toby." It was patented Hastings defensiveness, but it was all she had left.

"So, what happened between us meant nothing to you?"

"That isn't fair."

"Well, it couldn't've meant much, Spencer, considering you jumped into bed with the next closest warm body."

Paige jolted forward, her voice thick. "Watch how you talk to her."

"And, you! How could you do this to Emily? She fucking _loves_ you."

Spencer watched Paige's shoulders rise and fall with her breath. She was visibly desperate to control her own temper. "I never meant to hurt Emily. And Spencer never meant to hurt you."

"Right. Right. It just happened. What a load of crap."

Spencer jumped at how hard he slammed the door with his exit. She had never been shy. She always said what she was thinking. She didn't enjoy hiding or lying. Sometimes it was necessary, but she didn't seek out ways in which to keep people away. Being Ali's friend had taught her that lying didn't keep people together. It did exactly the opposite. That's why Toby had to know and why it had to be right then.

Paige's fingers slid easily between hers, pulling Spencer from her reverie. She kept her gaze down, her words shaking out of her. "I'm sorry."

"About what?"

"How messed up this all is." Spencer lifted her head to study the area where Toby had been, her brain foggy with unease.

"Spencer, if I didn't want to be with you, I wouldn't be here."

"I know, but…"

Paige's hands moved to frame her face. Spencer nuzzled into the touch, a soft smile touching the corners of her mouth. The thumb of Paige's right hand slid down her cheekbone. "But nothing. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

Her body grew warm and pliant. Their conversation from earlier returned to her piece by piece. It only made her warmer. "So, about before…"

The blush that bloomed in Paige's cheeks was adorable. "Oh, yeah."

"Yeah." Spencer laughed. Silence fell between them and the air grew serious, though in a different way than it had when Toby stood here. "Do you…do you have a strap-on?"

Paige's eyes went cartoon character wide, as if she couldn't Spencer had even thought of it. "No, I don't. Why?"

She looped her arms around Paige's neck and pulled her in, close enough to share breaths. "Because I want you to use one. On me."

"Y-you do?" The blush was still present, but the overbearing twist of desire stained her voice.

"Yeah. I want you to fuck me hard. I know how much you need control. Control me. Claim me. Imprint yourself on me."

Paige walked her backwards until her lower back hit the kitchen island. Strong hands enclosed hers and bent her arms behind her back. There was a gentleness in it because Paige would never hurt her, but it still made Spencer's heart kick into overdrive.

They touched noses and foreheads as Paige pressed herself impossibly close. "That's what you want?"

"Yeah." She could hardly believe the husk and need present in her tone. This was what Paige did to her. "That's what I want."

Their kiss was hard and full of need, Paige's tongue dipping past her teeth, tangling with hers desperately. Paige's shoulders flexed under her touch as she was lifted onto the counter. Wrapping her legs around Paige, she tugged, allowing Paige to fall into her, melding their bodies together. The kiss grew messy, both of them losing rhythm while their hands tried to be everywhere at once. Paige pulled away, her breath coming in gasps. "Spencer. Spencer, wait. Let's try to…hold off."

She could barely form a coherent thought. All she knew was she missed Paige's mouth and she wanted it on hers. "Why?"

"So next time is extra special." Paige gave her an infuriatingly chaste kiss.

"Ugh, I hate that idea." Spencer groaned. "What am I supposed to do? Sit on my hands for a week so I don't touch you?"

"Yeah."

"You're evil." The words were forced out between gritted teeth.

"But you love me." Paige replied smugly, a glint of mischief in her eyes.

"Get away from me, McCullers. If you want to participate in abstinence, you need to play fair."

Her lover complied, both hands raised in surrender. "If you say so."

* * *

2 months from today

Paige trapped her against the door, her breath sharp on Emily's skin, her touch insistent. For Emily, it felt like history repeating itself, the same page being written all over again. She knotted her fingers together behind Paige's neck to keep her close. As much as her brain didn't want this, her body's needs couldn't be denied. "Paige." She mumbled. "We can't."

Their foreheads touched, serving only to bring Paige's mouth even closer. "I know." She admitted so quietly that Emily wouldn't've heard it if Paige weren't a single breath away. "I know."

Everything went silent. Everything except their mingling breaths and Emily's treacherous thoughts, at least. "We were good together, weren't we?"

Paige nodded, solemn.

"Then, why'd you do it?"

"I couldn't tell you, Em. Honestly, I couldn't."

That story would never change. Emily might as well have resigned herself to that. No one had ever accused her of being a quitter, though. "I love you, Paige." She said, brushing her lips over her ex's. Paige tried to deepen it, but Emily let go. In more ways than one. "I love you, Paige, but I think you should go. Please just go."

Paige pulled back from her, then, her expression defeated, her eyes still glazed. "Goodbye, Em."

"Goodbye."


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Huge shout out to jenismyhomegirl for your very sweet review! I'm a huge fan of your McHastings stories, so that was a big moment for me. :) Anyway, sorry this chapter took me so long. It was a giving me a little trouble. Hope you all enjoy it!**

* * *

 _Freshman Year_

They weren't exactly enemies. There was a fair amount of respectfulness, at least where Spencer was concerned. After all, McCullers was a hell of an athlete, which of course made her an immediate threat to the hierarchy of house Hastings. Still, Spencer saw a lot of herself in McCullers. Whether that was a good thing or a bad thing was yet to be determined.

McCullers didn't talk much – her ability on the field spoke far more than her mouth ever could – but it wasn't a shyness thing. More of a quiet determination that Spencer recognized. It was like looking into a mirror and having the reflection stare back at you knowingly. With Ali breathing down her neck, Spencer had more than enough haunting sameness in her life. She was tired of seeing the Hastings in everything.

She was smart enough to know that that was the reason she clashed so easily with Ali. Ali was the devil she knew, though. McCullers was the devil she didn't.

It was on a bus coming home from an away game when Spencer decided to change that. Friends close and potential enemies closer and all that. McCullers was in her usual spot near the back and Spencer slid into the seat beside her, a horribly friendly smile on her face. "Nice job out there." That was nice enough, right? At least, it was a conversation piece that was right up McCullers' alley.

"Thanks, Hastings."

Spencer tried not to dwell on the fact that McCullers failed to return the compliment, even though Spencer had scored the winning goal.

"Was there anything else?" Distaste colored the tone, but Spencer refused to be deterred by McCullers' lack of manners.

"It's just…" She leaned forward conspiratorially, unwittingly catching a whiff of sweat and peaches that had to be perfume McCullers had sprayed in order to cover the evidence of how hard she'd played. "We're easily at the top of the JV roster. Birds of a feather flock together, right?"

McCullers gave her a look that was half disbelief and half assumed superiority. "I don't know about that."

Why did this feel like a conversation with Ali? "I'm just saying, McCullers, we're teammates. There's no point in being rivals. Not unfriendly rivals, anyway."

"Is that even a thing? Friendly rivalry?"

Spencer had to laugh at that. Of course this girl didn't understand a lack of hostility. Hostile might as well have been her middle name. "Yes, it's a thing, McCullers." Uncertainty still hung over her features, but Spencer could identify the cracks in her armor. McCullers wanted a friend almost as desperately as Spencer had before Ali and others. "So, what do you say, McCullers? Friends?" She put out a hand.

McCullers shook it firmly, a rare grin sliding into place. "Rivals."

Spencer felt unusually warm from the point where Paige was touching her to every other nerve ending. "That's right. Rivals."

* * *

Ali changed everything, naturally. It was Alison DiLaurentis' world. Everyone else was just living in it. She started asking about field hockey. How it worked, what the positions were. Spencer didn't bother to ask why Ali had developed such a sudden interest. Ian Thomas was their coach and Ali had been adamant in her quest to get close. Spencer liked him, too, but she stood little to no chance against Ali and Melissa.

It was as Spencer was showing Ali the proper way to hit the ball that she slipped up. She was standing behind her friend, both hands over Ali's on the handle of the stick when it happened. "Build all your energy at the back of the swing and follow through. Once you get the basics down, you can try different techniques. Paige could probably help you out there."

"Who's Paige?"

Ali's tone was strange. It seemed almost…jealous. Spencer immediately felt as if she'd wronged Ali somehow. Then again, that was the way she always felt. "She's one of my friends on the team. We have a sort of tentative alliance cause we're the best players on JV."

"Sounds like you actually like her."

Spencer went quiet for a moment, mulling over Ali's observation. Paige was smart and beyond capable on the field and despite the fact that they still didn't know each other that well, their small conversations in the locker room before and after practice were what Spencer looked forward to every day. "I guess I do."

"I figured. It takes a lot for the great Spencer Hastings to admit that someone else might actually be just as good at something."

A blush crept along her pale complexion. "Shut up, Ali."

Ali gave that patented smug laugh of hers. "Look at you! You're blushing."

"I just respect her talent. That's all."

"Uh-huh. I bet you do."

"You know what? I'm done with conversation." She backed away from Ali, both hands falling away from the stick and landing limply at her sides.

"Relax, Spencer. I'm just teasing. Don't get your panties in a bunch."

Spencer knew she was practically scowling at Ali now. "I'm not."

"Fine. You're not. Can we get on with the lesson now?"

"Fine."

* * *

 _Today_

The rain started pelting down almost the moment she pulled onto the freeway leading out of Rosewood. Every second that brought her closer to her destination came with a thought of Paige or her friends or Mona and Ali and Ezra in a room, laughing at how inept she was at figuring all this out. It wasn't her fault. Paige happened to cloud her mind, which made putting together the big picture more difficult than it was. Spencer would hate her for it, if it wasn't exactly what she wanted. Thankfully, their temporary sex ban was giving her a bit of breathing room. And, 'A's' latest text seemed to be leading her to the answers.

 _You want to know it all? Room #2 has the answers. – A_

It could've been sending her on a wild goose chase – and of course, being a Hastings, she'd considered it more than once – but that fear didn't take away from how badly she wanted this to end. If the three of them finally were given what they wanted they'd stop. Not that Spencer knew what they wanted. Besides her suffering, at least. The Lost Woods Resort was her only bread crumb. Trap or not, it was her only option. Especially when Aria and Emily weren't exactly on her side at the moment.

She shook her head to clear out her brain as she emerged from her SUV. The motel was poorly lit, but she could recognize it if she were blind and deaf. This place was imprinted on her psyche. Harold was no longer the caretaker. Maybe he never had been. In his place was an older woman with graying blonde hair and a tense smile. "Good evening." She greeted. "How can I help you?"

"I need room number 2 for the night, please." The woman's reaction was microscopic. Spencer caught it, anyway. "Is something wrong?"

"No, no, of course not. It isn't a problem." That tense smile was back, a few times tenser than before. Mona must've been here recently. "Just sign in for me, please."

Spencer eyed the guest book warily, knowing of course that it didn't matter if she signed her real name. Mona knew she was here. This wasn't a secret mission. She signed 'Jillian McCullers', anyway, surprising herself with her almost subconscious decision to use Paige's surname. She wondered absently if that said something about her desires. _Spencer Jillian McCullers. Huh._ A grin spread across her lips the further into the fantasy she went. Stopping just short of room 2's door, she took out her cell and opened a text to Paige.

 _I miss you._

The reply wasn't immediate, which made Spencer anxious. She dispelled that energy by opening the door and pushing herself into room 2, forcing her mind away from Paige with tremendous effort. A flick of the light switch told her, unsurprisingly, that the room was empty and thus, utterly barren of evidence. "Spencer Jillian McCullers-Hastings." She muttered into the quiet. "Spencer Jillian Hastings-McCullers." She felt like a middle schooler doodling her crush's surname into a notebook. _Pathetic._

Her phone chimed. _I miss you, too._

A wave of relief shocked Spencer's system. It took her a moment to focus again. _Baby?_

 _What is it, Spence?_

 _Mona sent me on a wild goose chase to the Lost Woods Resort. Wanna come keep me company? I don't want to be alone._

Paige's reply seemed to come within the next microsecond. _I'll be there as soon as I can._

* * *

It took forty five minutes for Paige to arrive, but it might as well have been a lifetime. Spencer spent all that time casing the room, looking for bugs or cameras. Mona wouldn't send her here for no reason. That wasn't A's style. By the time Paige's soft knock came at the door, Spencer had driven herself half way crazy in her efforts to figure out what the hell Mona was trying to pull.

Paige stood in the drizzling rain, an overnight bag clutched in one hand. She seemed apologetic, for some reason. "Sorry it took me so long. This place is impossible to find in the dark."

"Tell me about it." She reached out and pulled at Paige's free hand. "Get in here." _I definitely hadn't been fantasizing about taking your last name. Nope. Not at all._ Spencer nervously thought to herself as she watched Paige take in the room, her eyes scanning every surface from the far wall to the tiny bathroom to the queen sized bed.

"Why would Mona tell you to come here?"

"Well, uh," She ran a palm along the back of Paige's shoulder. "Because this was her lair at one point in time."

Paige snickered. "Her…lair? What is she, a Bond villain?"

"Nah. She's much worse." Spencer said around a breath of a laugh. It was refreshing that Paige could find the tiny bits of humor in the horror of all this. "But, yes, this was her lair, where she kept creepy pictures of all of us and Ali's diaries and all of our secrets and her hacker laptop with incriminating videos of pretty much everyone in Rosewood."

"Who knew so much evil could exist in such a tiny person?"

"I don't think any of us are totally innocent, but Mona is…"

"Insane." Paige finished grimly. "But she's also really good at pretending she isn't."

Spencer wondered absently if she pretended to be put together to hide her own insanity. Most definitely. But, Mona had made her that way, same as Ali had done to Mona. "This is all such a mess."

Sympathy softened Paige's deep brown eyes. "We'll fix this, Spence. I swear."

She wanted to believe that; she really did. Even so, her voice failed her. Something about all of this wasn't right, if the chills that kept coursing down her spine were any indication. She brandished her phone again, this time tapping Hanna's name.

 _Get Aria and Emily. Look after each other for the night. 'A's planning something._

The reply was rapid fire because this was Hanna and Hanna didn't even go the kitchen without her phone. _Okay. What about you?_

Spencer glanced over at Paige, who was steadying her with a gentle hand on her hip. _I'll be fine. Don't worry._

 _Please be careful, Spence._

 _No promises._ It was a joke, but she could imagine Hanna fretting on the other side of conversation. _Hanna, it's fine. Paige is here. Just please make sure Em and Aria are okay._ She dropped her phone back into her purse and set the whole thing beside the bed, almost hyper aware of Paige matching every step she took. "This feels familiar." Spencer said after an indiscernible span of silence.

"How so?" Paige was so close that every exhale was raising the hairs on Spencer's neck.

"Toby and I went on a stakeout once. We stayed in a motel not unlike this one."

"Did you?" There wasn't even the slightest hint of jealousy, just curiosity.

"Yeah. We played Scrabble. It was all very PG."

Paige's arms engulfed her, keeping her anchored to what they shared. "We're certainly not PG."

Spencer chuckled. "No. I think I like that about us the best."

"You read my mind." Their lips brushed chastely, despite the conversation topic. "I'll be right back." Paige whispered, stepping around Spencer to grab her overnight bag.

She disappeared into the bathroom, leaving Spencer standing there biting her lip, wondering what Paige was up to.

* * *

The obsession burned in her veins, a spreading cancer she couldn't control. During her span as 'A', it'd seemed to overtake her entire body, leaving absolutely vulnerable to her own thirst for vengeance. Yet, where it would have short circuited a lesser mind, it set Mona's free. She was always one step ahead, hyper focused. It was a gift rather than the disease.

Even with Ravenswood on the other side of this room, she continued to have eyes on Spencer, who'd forgotten to check her motel room door for a camera. She'd never call Spencer Hastings an idiot; perhaps distracted was a better word. Distractions were something Mona could simply not afford. Not with Ali watching her every move.

"Ezra's keeping an eye on the others." Think of the Devil and she shall appear.

"I didn't hear you come in." Mona said, eyes still on the feed of Spencer lying back on the bed waiting for Paige to re-emerge.

"Well, I'm here and I have something to tell you."

Mona spun in her chair, feeling like one of those villains in the movies who revealed themselves melodramatically. "What is it?"

"I'm going back to Rosewood High."

That stunned Mona, even if it shouldn't have. "Are you sure that's a good idea? If everyone knows you're alive…" _I wouldn't be able to keep an eye on you._

"I need to regain their trust. I can only do that if I show them I'm not afraid to be out in the open."

It was amazing really how alike she and Alison DiLaurentis were. Mona had played that same game with those bitches once upon a time. Ali was probably better at it than she was, just like everything else. "What are we gonna do about how close they are?"

"We're gonna use it to our advantage. The game's almost over, Mona."

Mona slipped both hands into her jacket pockets to fend off a sudden chill. "Why Spencer?" She asked. "She could be an asset."

"Spencer took them from me. So I'm gonna take them from her."

* * *

A flutter of butterflies burst to life in Spencer's stomach the moment Paige disappeared behind the bathroom door. With a sigh, she dropped back onto the bed, her eyes trained on the popcorn ceiling in an effort to calm her nerves. She could hear Paige moving around in the bathroom. It brought an easy smile to her face.

The fluttering grew more intense. Before Paige, only Toby had made her feel that way. She and Paige were far more alike than she and Toby had ever been, though. Paige was a wolf. She could tear your throat out if she was pushed hard enough. Not that Toby wasn't capable of being pushed. He was. He just wasn't quite as emotionally violent as Paige was. Paige was ruled by her emotions, which surprisingly, was something Spencer liked best about her.

That, and her unending loyalty. Which was another trait she shared with Toby. Paige was a bit more practical about it, but it was similar. Spencer shuddered at the remembrance of what Toby had done to prove his loyalty; Paige would never do anything that drastic. That made Spencer feel uncharacteristically safe and trusting. It calmed the constant chaos that went on in the space behind her eyes. No one had ever quieted her demons quite as effectively as Paige.

The bathroom door creaked open and Spencer jumped from the bed with all the all the enthusiasm of a school girl. Paige stood there in a white v-neck and a pair of black men's boxers, smirking in an unbelievably sexy way. Never in her life had Spencer ever thought she'd be thinking that about Paige McCullers, but it was an apt description, especially when she caught sight of the noticeable bulge in Paige's boxers. The strap-on. A vicious jolt of desire shot through Spencer, stealing every breath from her lungs. She stepped closer, her eyes glued downward. Winding both arms around Paige's neck, she painted on a smirk of her own. "Someone's happy to see me."

"Cute." Paige murmured, her lips a mere centimeter from Spencer's.

Spencer's teeth sunk into her bottom lip, her mind wandering back to where it'd been before Paige had reappeared. "I never thought I'd ever feel this safe again."

Paige tugged her even closer as Spencer curled into her, head secure under Paige's chin. Spencer sighed and closed her eyes, allowing that momentary elation to fill her body. The guilt quickly followed, as solid and overpowering as a physical presence. "What the hell am I doing?"

Paige pulled away, her eyebrows scrunching to illustrate her confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, we're here about to…" Spencer couldn't help the ghost of a smile that quirked her bottom lip. She grew serious again. "And Ezra and Mona are out there planning. They lead us to a dead end on purpose, Paige."

"To mess with your head and make you paranoid."

Spencer wasn't convinced. Mona wasn't one for empty threats. "Let me just call Hanna and make sure everything's okay. I told her to keep an eye on Em and Aria."

Paige nodded and dropped a kiss to Spencer's forehead. "If that's what you need to do to calm down."

"Thank you, Paige."

* * *

Aria couldn't remember the last time she'd laughed this hard. It almost felt foreign. That might've had something to do with the alcohol sliding around in her belly and fogging up her brain. Hanna and Emily were at either side of the Montgomerys' coffee table, sitting cross legged and giggling along with Aria.

The laughter was warded off after a moment by Hanna's cell phone.

"Spencer, hey!" Hanna was overzealous, which wasn't unusual except for the slurring and the way she tipped over with the force of her excitement. "Yeah, they're here. We're fine." She dragged every letter in the word, causing Aria to giggle again.

Emily was set to her mopey drunk mode now the mood had quieted down. Aria glanced over, seeing her best friend through hazed vision. That didn't take away from the agony that radiated from Emily.

"Em."

She startled like a wounded animal, her pupils huge and glazed. "Huh?"

Hanna went on in the background, giving Spencer one boisterous reassurance after another.

Aria turned back to Emily. "Are you okay?"

"Of course not."

 _I'm not either._ "I'm sorry about Paige, Em."

Emily's half-smile was melancholic. "I'm sorry about Ezra."

Aria still wasn't sure if she believed Spencer's accusations or Ezra's for that matter, but she knew in her guts that something was very wrong and that Ezra seemed to be at the heart of it. "Thanks" She replied as she looked over at Hanna, who'd just hung up the phone. Aria grinned unevenly. "Seems that Hanna's the only who actually knows how to pick 'em."

Hanna shrugged. "Well, Caleb did work for Jenna."

For some reason that was probably related to her inebriation, Aria burst into laughter. "God, our lives are so screwed up."

Emily huffed out a breath through her nose. "That's the understatement of the millennium."

* * *

Paige's mouth lingered at the point where Spencer's neck met her shoulder. Spencer could hardly focus on her phone call, aside from Hanna's obvious drunkenness. By the time her attention was back on Paige, two fingers were sneaking under a bra strap.

"Paige."

"Spence." Paige responded, pressing herself closer.

Spencer's breath hitched in her throat as she reached back and tangled her fingers in Paige's hair. A breath of a laugh caressed the skin at her neck. "Remember JV?"

Spencer's brow furrowed. She could barely remember two minutes ago with the way Paige and the strap on were pressing against her. "Sure." She replied.

"The way we used to fight each other. Remember that?"

That she did remember. The violence, the destruction, the competitiveness that drove them both to the edge. Spencer leaned back, allowing Paige better access. "I remember." She breathed. "We were supposed to be friends."

Paige's response was a sardonic chuckle. "We were."

Spencer took that opportunity to turn in Paige's arms, only for Paige to walk her backward in the direction of the queen sized bed. They both landed with a thud. Spencer wrapped her arms and legs around Paige, a slight smile gracing her lips. "I like us better now."

"Me, too."


End file.
